// inspired by similar posts by Emily of Chatting At the Sky and Jeff Goins.
dear 16 year old me,
that boy six years older than you that you will meet this year is not worth your time, your heart, or your emotions. yet you will give him all of it and then some more, because you genuinely believe he is the one. but someday you will learn that a real man with pure intentions doesn't text 16 year old girls telling them he is imagining what they look like in the shower. or try to persuade and coerce you into doing things you don't want to do, making you believe that if you really loved him, you would.
by the time you finally gather up the courage to walk away, you will feel incredibly disillusioned by boys and you will make choices you will regret because you will fall for the lie that all boys are after is one thing, and you desperately want to be loved. but even more heartbreaking than that is that you will become incredibly jaded for the longest time about church, because that boy was a leader in church and yet..., because no one in church stood up for you, because how could God let this happen to you... and the reasons will never seem to end.
you will go through the motions of church and here and there, experience glimpses and tastes of forgiveness and healing... but you will still struggle for the longest time with resenting the church and the hypocrites in it. until you discover that you are one yourself.
dear 16 year old me,
right now, you think appearances are everything. so you work out, you count your calories, you keep up your image of being a 'good girl'. but nobody's made to be superhuman. when you put all that pressure on yourself, sooner or later something's going to give. and you will give. you will give in to the pressure to conform. the pressure to live up to other people's expectations. the pressure to give bits and pieces of yourself and your heart in exchange for feeling temporarily wanted by someone else.
you will let your heart be broken. and to deal with it, you will break other people's hearts. and when you finally realise what a mess you've made of your life, you will fall apart. you will lose your way. you will feel like you don't know who you are anymore. that's what happens when you try to listen to so many voices, try to please so many people, and ignore that still, small voice inside of you.
but you know what? in falling apart, you will be able to finally let go of the walls you've built around yourself, and fall into the arms of grace, compassion, and One who's always been there. you will discover what it means to forgive once you understand how much you have been forgiven.
dear 16 year old me,
even though you will encounter grace and love and new beginnings, old habits tend to die hard. there you will go, chasing boy after boy after boy. and one day, you will realise that staying with someone just so you have company to eat dinner with or someone to drive you home are pretty shitty reasons to stay with someone. someday, you're going to realise that you don't want a relationship that is going to pull you away from the things you love. it will hit you that you can be more lonely being with the wrong person than being alone.
you will live on your own in the UK for a year (yes, believe it or not, i know that you don't think your parents can afford to send you to even a local university, but things will fall into place, and that dream of studying abroad? it'll become reality, trust me), and while you will hate coming home to an empty house night after night, that experience will teach you how to be alone.
it will also teach you that you are only as alone as you want to be. there are friends all around you, waiting to be made. you don't need one person to be your everything. it is impossible for one person to be your everything. so go on out there. meet new people. find that friend you can do late night talks about life and love and bake cookies with. find the other who challenges your faith and asks you the tough questions. find that mentor who will help you grow. find someone you can be stupid with.
dear 16 year old me,
you put a lot of unnecessary limitations on yourself, you know? you believe everyone has a 'type'. you think you're not the sporty type. or the social type. but those are just excuses. one day, you're going to discover running and climbing, and you will find that it feels like flying, and you will be absolutely addicted to it. one day, you will discover your voice, and you will learn to use your your conversations to inspire and lead.
dear 16 year old me,
if i could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be this: the size of your heart will determine the size of your life. the world will try to frighten you, toughen you, shame you, numb you... but if you stay soft, tender, open, and yielding, while remaining fiercely passionate, honest, and determined, life will give you all that you want and you will find everything you are looking for and more. live generously, and freely.
love,
22 year old me
dear 16 year old me,
that boy six years older than you that you will meet this year is not worth your time, your heart, or your emotions. yet you will give him all of it and then some more, because you genuinely believe he is the one. but someday you will learn that a real man with pure intentions doesn't text 16 year old girls telling them he is imagining what they look like in the shower. or try to persuade and coerce you into doing things you don't want to do, making you believe that if you really loved him, you would.
by the time you finally gather up the courage to walk away, you will feel incredibly disillusioned by boys and you will make choices you will regret because you will fall for the lie that all boys are after is one thing, and you desperately want to be loved. but even more heartbreaking than that is that you will become incredibly jaded for the longest time about church, because that boy was a leader in church and yet..., because no one in church stood up for you, because how could God let this happen to you... and the reasons will never seem to end.
you will go through the motions of church and here and there, experience glimpses and tastes of forgiveness and healing... but you will still struggle for the longest time with resenting the church and the hypocrites in it. until you discover that you are one yourself.
dear 16 year old me,
right now, you think appearances are everything. so you work out, you count your calories, you keep up your image of being a 'good girl'. but nobody's made to be superhuman. when you put all that pressure on yourself, sooner or later something's going to give. and you will give. you will give in to the pressure to conform. the pressure to live up to other people's expectations. the pressure to give bits and pieces of yourself and your heart in exchange for feeling temporarily wanted by someone else.
you will let your heart be broken. and to deal with it, you will break other people's hearts. and when you finally realise what a mess you've made of your life, you will fall apart. you will lose your way. you will feel like you don't know who you are anymore. that's what happens when you try to listen to so many voices, try to please so many people, and ignore that still, small voice inside of you.
but you know what? in falling apart, you will be able to finally let go of the walls you've built around yourself, and fall into the arms of grace, compassion, and One who's always been there. you will discover what it means to forgive once you understand how much you have been forgiven.
dear 16 year old me,
even though you will encounter grace and love and new beginnings, old habits tend to die hard. there you will go, chasing boy after boy after boy. and one day, you will realise that staying with someone just so you have company to eat dinner with or someone to drive you home are pretty shitty reasons to stay with someone. someday, you're going to realise that you don't want a relationship that is going to pull you away from the things you love. it will hit you that you can be more lonely being with the wrong person than being alone.
you will live on your own in the UK for a year (yes, believe it or not, i know that you don't think your parents can afford to send you to even a local university, but things will fall into place, and that dream of studying abroad? it'll become reality, trust me), and while you will hate coming home to an empty house night after night, that experience will teach you how to be alone.
it will also teach you that you are only as alone as you want to be. there are friends all around you, waiting to be made. you don't need one person to be your everything. it is impossible for one person to be your everything. so go on out there. meet new people. find that friend you can do late night talks about life and love and bake cookies with. find the other who challenges your faith and asks you the tough questions. find that mentor who will help you grow. find someone you can be stupid with.
dear 16 year old me,
you put a lot of unnecessary limitations on yourself, you know? you believe everyone has a 'type'. you think you're not the sporty type. or the social type. but those are just excuses. one day, you're going to discover running and climbing, and you will find that it feels like flying, and you will be absolutely addicted to it. one day, you will discover your voice, and you will learn to use your your conversations to inspire and lead.
dear 16 year old me,
if i could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be this: the size of your heart will determine the size of your life. the world will try to frighten you, toughen you, shame you, numb you... but if you stay soft, tender, open, and yielding, while remaining fiercely passionate, honest, and determined, life will give you all that you want and you will find everything you are looking for and more. live generously, and freely.
love,
22 year old me
Exactly my sentiments...
ReplyDelete"it will hit you that you can be more lonely being with the wrong person than being alone."
"and while you will hate coming home to an empty house night after night, that experience will teach you how to be alone."
"find someone you can be stupid with."
Guess, it is experience that makes us all stronger.
Keep the spirit on...
thanks for your kind words, thomas. and absolutely - the things we go through shape us. hopefully, for the better, to make us stronger. :)
DeleteLove this, Crys. Brought tears to my eyes. Keep being authentic in your writing - you're gonna change the world with the honesty and vulnerability in your words.
ReplyDeleteYou're a world changer, just in case you don't know/acknowledge that. :)
jon, you don't know how much that means to me, coming from YOU - a world changer yourself. you don't know how often i tell people how amazing you are! keep being who you are too and you'll set the world on fire. :)
DeleteWhat a brilliant piece, Crystal! You have certainly flourished in the years that I have not seen you & may you continue to inspire with your writing as you discover life, deal with incredulous people & make your mark changing them! And I can tell you that men in their forties too, refuse to grow up, go after sweet young things & act like boys. :D
ReplyDeletehi pummkin! i'm assuming we know each other? can't seem to find out who you are through your profile! thank you so much for your encouraging words. you're right... there are people everywhere who refuse to grow up and would rather playact through life... the important thing is not to let those people distract us, discourage us, or stop us from being all we were meant to be, i think. :)
DeleteI did your make-up in performing arts some years back. I've gone on to serve in Metro Tabernacle now. You have grown ahead of your years & your mom has been my inspiration for the longest time & she still is! I know where you got your expression from! May your family be continually blessed in the things that make a difference to the lives you unknowingly touch. I have been one of them. :)
DeleteNicely written la, enjoyed it thoroughly and reminded me of my youth too.
ReplyDeleteYou still have a whole life ahead of you. Enjoy the twenties, relish and make every single second count. It will be gone before you know it, haha :D
yuli, so nice to see a comment pop up here from you! thanks for the encouragement. :) i know, i already feel it zooming past! where's the pause button!?!
DeleteHi Crystal :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful reflection exercise. I think I need to do one on myself. A very touching and honest piece. I'm inspired by it. Thank you. :)
sarah, please do and share it! glad it inspired you, and thank YOU for being such an inspiration yourself. :)
DeleteChallenge accepted :)
Delete