I've been trying to move my more reflective writing to a more relevant blogging platform (ie. Tumblr) but this post will mark a huge milestone in my life, hence I find it apt to post this on my 'official' blog.
In just about 48 hours and 15 minutes, I will be on a plane taking off to literally, the other side of the world, leaving behind what has been my life for the past 8 months, and leaving people who have grown to become a part of my heart.
It's a crazy bittersweet feeling, to be so excited about going home to everything that has defined who I am for 20 years - my family, my hometown, my beloved country, my friends, and my culture. And at the same time, to be saying goodbye to people and places that have also come to shape who I am now, when I'm not sure when (if ever) I'll see most of them again.
And then there's this feeling of limbo - with each goodbye, I feel the ties with people here slipping loose... but at the same time, I'm not yet home so those ties still feel very weak. And this feeling of in-between, of not really belonging anywhere at the moment, was at first quite unsettling, but I think I'm starting to enjoy getting reacquainted with the new me, and just giving myself these few days to reflect and process this chapter of my life coming to a close.
I feel I've grown and changed and learnt so much, but at the same time, I feel like I've just learned that there's so much I don't know, and so much I'm unsure of. I've been more lonely than I've ever been in my life, but at the same time, learned how important friends are and had the privilege of making some of the most amazing friendships. I've learned to stand on my own two feet but also learned that I need people. I've learned that perspective, hot chocolate, and running is very essential to sanity, and I've developed a higher tolerance for dirt and messiness.
As crazy as living with boys drives me sometimes, my housemates have been amazing and taught me, for the second time in my life, that family aren't necessarily people you like or even choose to live with, but they're the ones who always have your back.
I've been reminded that life is always throwing stuff your way, stuff that can make you hard, but hard people crack under pressure. And it's a choice to stay soft and fluid, to accept the changes life brings and flow with it.
It's been an amazing ride, and as crazy and difficult as some parts of it have been, I'm thankful for it. But more than anything, I'm thankful for the people who have shared this journey with me, from the Kids' Church and NCLC team to Tees Extreme, from my housemates and fellow Malaysians to lecturers - these people have left an impact and taught me so much. It would take forever to list all the names, but three people deserve special mention.
To Naz, Mabel, and Justin, thank you. For being there when it mattered, for helping me to see the good things in life, for a whole lot of crazy adventures and unforgettable memories together, and for sharing your lives with me as well. You are the highlights of my time in the UK.
To end this post, here's a video flashback (the product of too many thoughts buzzing around in my head late last night) of the past year. Till the next post from the other side.
In just about 48 hours and 15 minutes, I will be on a plane taking off to literally, the other side of the world, leaving behind what has been my life for the past 8 months, and leaving people who have grown to become a part of my heart.
It's a crazy bittersweet feeling, to be so excited about going home to everything that has defined who I am for 20 years - my family, my hometown, my beloved country, my friends, and my culture. And at the same time, to be saying goodbye to people and places that have also come to shape who I am now, when I'm not sure when (if ever) I'll see most of them again.
And then there's this feeling of limbo - with each goodbye, I feel the ties with people here slipping loose... but at the same time, I'm not yet home so those ties still feel very weak. And this feeling of in-between, of not really belonging anywhere at the moment, was at first quite unsettling, but I think I'm starting to enjoy getting reacquainted with the new me, and just giving myself these few days to reflect and process this chapter of my life coming to a close.
I feel I've grown and changed and learnt so much, but at the same time, I feel like I've just learned that there's so much I don't know, and so much I'm unsure of. I've been more lonely than I've ever been in my life, but at the same time, learned how important friends are and had the privilege of making some of the most amazing friendships. I've learned to stand on my own two feet but also learned that I need people. I've learned that perspective, hot chocolate, and running is very essential to sanity, and I've developed a higher tolerance for dirt and messiness.
As crazy as living with boys drives me sometimes, my housemates have been amazing and taught me, for the second time in my life, that family aren't necessarily people you like or even choose to live with, but they're the ones who always have your back.
I've been reminded that life is always throwing stuff your way, stuff that can make you hard, but hard people crack under pressure. And it's a choice to stay soft and fluid, to accept the changes life brings and flow with it.
It's been an amazing ride, and as crazy and difficult as some parts of it have been, I'm thankful for it. But more than anything, I'm thankful for the people who have shared this journey with me, from the Kids' Church and NCLC team to Tees Extreme, from my housemates and fellow Malaysians to lecturers - these people have left an impact and taught me so much. It would take forever to list all the names, but three people deserve special mention.
To end this post, here's a video flashback (the product of too many thoughts buzzing around in my head late last night) of the past year. Till the next post from the other side.
