Laying down my arms

...fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement; he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying you are sorry, realising that you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor - that is the only way out of our 'hole'. This process of surrender - this movement full speed astern - is what Christians call repentance. Now repentance is no fun at all. It is something much harder than merely eating humble pie. It means unlearning all the self-conceit and self-will that we have been training ourselves into for thousands of years. // C. S. Lewis

Repentance is deciding that you have been wrong in supposing that you could manage your own life and be your own god; it is deciding that you were wrong in thinking that you had, or could get, the strength, education and training to make it on your own; it is deciding that you have been told a pack of lies about yourself and your neighbours and your world. And it is deciding that God, in Jesus Christ, is telling you the truth. Repentance is a realisation that what God wants from you and what you want from God are not going to be achieved by doing the same old things, thinking the same old thoughts. Repentance is a decision to follow Jesus Christ and become his pilgrim in the path of peace. // Eugene Peterson

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I’m so close to being so far away from You
I was wrong, but it takes so much to say it to You
Like a broken husband and wife
Who never talk but share their nights

For my feet were close to slipping
You spoke to my heart in time
You have promised, and I do believe
You won’t forget this wandering child

I’m so foolish to believe that I can escape Your love

// bethany dillon, so close

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My pockets are empty
Fear's such a thief
You know how that goes
I used to think
You couldn't love a mess like me
Then You came in so close

As my heart settles
You do the impossible

You change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me

Like a bullet in a wound
It needs to be removed
But only by You, only by You
And though I feel so stuck
The hope in Your eyes is enough

// bethany dillon, change

Songs for the year-end

In the past 22 years of my life, I've approached different year-ends with different feelings each time round. The end of the year is always seen as a turning point, but depending on what season you are in, that turning point can be sometimes bittersweet, sometimes celebratory, sometimes sad, sometimes regretful.

Nevertheless, a turning point is usually always hopeful. It marks the start of better days ahead. It signals unknown possibility. It's a chance to leave the past behind - to move on from mistakes, guilt, or loss... or from resting too comfortably on laurels we've won - but to say, this is not the end, and to keep pressing on.

Along the way, in different seasons, I've been encouraged in different ways. One of the biggest things that moves my heart is music. Somehow the way lyrics are combined with melodies speaks so much more powerfully sometimes than the words alone.

So as the year draws to a close, I just thought I'd share a few songs that I've held incredibly close to my heart that have carried me, in different seasons, from one year into another. These songs have helped me reflect and realign as I've walked forward into a new season, and I hope they will do the same for you.

For a painful, question-filled year-end

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Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't you just intervene
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams

But you never said the road would be easy
But you said that you would never leave
And you never promised that this life wasn't hard
But you promised you'd take care of me

So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust you God with where I am
And believe you will have your way

Remind me you take broken things
And turn them into beautiful

// Britt Nicole

For a challenging, stormy year-end

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So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

// Britt Nicole

For a grateful year-end

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My Lord
What shall I sing Him for now
A song full of praise
From a mouth full of doubt
I lift up my face and I sing out loud
With all my mistakes I still make Him proud

He paid it all for me
Carried that cross for you
On that rugged walk
He knew What He had to do
Opened His arms up wide
Invited the world inside
One final breath
He conquered death
For me and for you

// Brandon Heath

For an anticipation-filled year-end

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It's time to dream big dreams
To see Your vision become reality
Cause it's for You, by You
Those who love You want to do something so big
It's destined to fail without You, Lord
It's gonna fail without You, Lord
Something so great
It takes a miracle to do
We, Your children
Want to do something big for You

// John Waller

For a conflict-filled year-end

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Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

// Switchfoot

For a soul-searching year-end

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You know whenever I try I want to get it right
But I distract my focus and blur my own sight
'Cause I've convinced myself that my best can only come in the moonlight
And I keep sleeping in
And missing something

There are things about me I just can't ignore
I know I want to change and I see that door
On the other side daylight decides there will be war with sleeping in
And I've been saying "no" for far too long
Even though something brand new is coming out of me

I always knew that I was missing something
I know this time that I will leave nothing up to chance
And in the wake of this brand new day I see the light
and I feel the sun and I'll do it all again tomorrow

// Mae

For every year-end

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All of my life
In every season
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

an honest mistake showcase + album launch

there was once upon a time i wore only tank tops, trucker caps, jeans, and converse sneakers, and listened to punk rock. i kid you not.

and who doesn't like going back to their roots every once in awhile? 

if you're like me and grew up listening to simple plan, fall out boy, aar, blink 182, avril, and relient k, then the catchy, bop-worthy tunes of ahm's all-new album are sure to bring you back to the good ol' days of teenage angst, a rollercoaster ride of heady emotions, chilling out with friends, and just living some of the best years of your life. 

i'm the worst concert reviewer ever - i don't bother remembering the order of songs - so i won't even try. all i'll say is, the band put on a good show for their album launch + showcase, and let the pictures speak for themselves.

(i think i have a girl crush on the female singer. she is super punk-rock-cool.)

thanks leonard for the invite and keep making good music! 

'say what you want, say what you will' showcase + album launch

an honest mistake

29.04.12

publika @ solaris dutamas

anhonestmistakeband.com

Safe

I haven't felt this vulnerable in a long, long time, and it scares me.

You keep tryin' to get inside my head,

While I keep trying to lose the words you said

Can't you see I'm hangin by a thread

To my life what I know, yeah I'm losing control

Oh no, my walls are gonna break

So close, its more than I can take

I'm so tired of turning and running away

When love just isn't safe

I'm strong enough, I've always told myself

I never want to need somebody else

But I've already fallen from that hill

So I'm dropping my guard
Here's your chance at my heart

I'm so tired of turning and running away 

When love just isn't everything you want, but its everything you need 

Its not always happy endings but its happy in-between 

Its taken so long, so long to finally see that

Your love is worth the risk 

Song of the month: Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum

This has to be one of the rawest, most honest love songs I've ever heard - and its music video, breathtaking. (Okay I admit my opinions are largely due to the fact that it's set in Paris and features two backpacking travelers who have a chance encounter with each other.)

But the lyrics are the life of this song and capture perfectly the uncertainty and hesitancy in the early stages of falling for someone.

lyin’ here with you so close to me

it’s hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe

caught up in this moment

caught up in your smile

i’ve never opened up to anyone

so hard to hold back when i’m holding you in my arms

we don’t need to rush this

let’s just take this slow

I don't know about you, but my natural instinct is to rush into what I see as good things. "As soon as possible" is usually the best answer to the question of "When?", when it comes to what I want. After all, if it's a good thing, why wait, right? 

Or so I'd always thought. But I think for most, there will come a time when something comes your way and suddenly you realize this isn't something you want to hurry or rush into - but to take as slowly and handle with as much care as possible, because you're so afraid that one wrong move could mess it up. 

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

just a touch in the fire burning so bright

and i don’t want to mess this thing up

i don’t want to push too far

just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one i’ve been waiting for my whole life

so baby i’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight

Instead of asking how much you can get out of this - you find yourself asking, how little can I get by on, if just to make this thing last longer?

i know that if we give this a little time

it will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find

it’s never felt so real, no it’s never felt so right

You find yourself willing to wait if the circumstances demand it, willing to spend a lot of time apart from what you really want - believing that when you get it, it will be everything you hoped it would be. 

no i don’t want to say goodnight

i know it’s time to leave, but you’ll be in my dreams tonight

so baby i’m alright, oh, let’s do this right, with just a kiss goodnight

And maybe, maybe you realize that falling for someone (these days, I'm so hesitant to even use the word 'love' flippantly) is not about how far you can go or how much you can get from the other person, but it's about something to hope for, something to hold on to, something to cherish and nurture and protect - for the long haul. Even if it means holding back your instincts and what you want, for now. 

It's about finding something that makes it not easy, but okay, to be patient for. Because it's that worth it. 

Vlog: Junk Open Mic @ The Bee, Jaya One!

Had the opportunity to perform at Junk's Open Mic session held at The Bee just yesterday night. Big thanks to Junk for the opportunity and @leviasher for the recommendation! :)

For those who couldn't be there, here's the video! Enjoy!

Also, a big thank you to Min for being my guitarist / backup vocals for the night! :)

Finally, thank you Thomas, Zim Sen, Gal (via Skype), Jer, Christina, and Elena for coming and supporting and cheering us on! :)

The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars [cover]

Just for fun and memories! Filmed in our currently very messy living room, amid all the packing.

Valentine - Kina Grannis [cover]

Just a simple cover of Kina Grannis' Valentine. :) Enjoy!