Songs for the year-end

In the past 22 years of my life, I've approached different year-ends with different feelings each time round. The end of the year is always seen as a turning point, but depending on what season you are in, that turning point can be sometimes bittersweet, sometimes celebratory, sometimes sad, sometimes regretful.

Nevertheless, a turning point is usually always hopeful. It marks the start of better days ahead. It signals unknown possibility. It's a chance to leave the past behind - to move on from mistakes, guilt, or loss... or from resting too comfortably on laurels we've won - but to say, this is not the end, and to keep pressing on.

Along the way, in different seasons, I've been encouraged in different ways. One of the biggest things that moves my heart is music. Somehow the way lyrics are combined with melodies speaks so much more powerfully sometimes than the words alone.

So as the year draws to a close, I just thought I'd share a few songs that I've held incredibly close to my heart that have carried me, in different seasons, from one year into another. These songs have helped me reflect and realign as I've walked forward into a new season, and I hope they will do the same for you.

For a painful, question-filled year-end

Popout

Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't you just intervene
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams

But you never said the road would be easy
But you said that you would never leave
And you never promised that this life wasn't hard
But you promised you'd take care of me

So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust you God with where I am
And believe you will have your way

Remind me you take broken things
And turn them into beautiful

// Britt Nicole

For a challenging, stormy year-end

Popout

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

// Britt Nicole

For a grateful year-end

Popout

My Lord
What shall I sing Him for now
A song full of praise
From a mouth full of doubt
I lift up my face and I sing out loud
With all my mistakes I still make Him proud

He paid it all for me
Carried that cross for you
On that rugged walk
He knew What He had to do
Opened His arms up wide
Invited the world inside
One final breath
He conquered death
For me and for you

// Brandon Heath

For an anticipation-filled year-end

Popout

It's time to dream big dreams
To see Your vision become reality
Cause it's for You, by You
Those who love You want to do something so big
It's destined to fail without You, Lord
It's gonna fail without You, Lord
Something so great
It takes a miracle to do
We, Your children
Want to do something big for You

// John Waller

For a conflict-filled year-end

Popout

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

// Switchfoot

For a soul-searching year-end

Popout

You know whenever I try I want to get it right
But I distract my focus and blur my own sight
'Cause I've convinced myself that my best can only come in the moonlight
And I keep sleeping in
And missing something

There are things about me I just can't ignore
I know I want to change and I see that door
On the other side daylight decides there will be war with sleeping in
And I've been saying "no" for far too long
Even though something brand new is coming out of me

I always knew that I was missing something
I know this time that I will leave nothing up to chance
And in the wake of this brand new day I see the light
and I feel the sun and I'll do it all again tomorrow

// Mae

For every year-end

Popout

All of my life
In every season
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

When you know you're loved

It's wedding season! I think I've lost count of how many weddings I've been for in the last two months, and I still have a couple more coming up in the month ahead!

I was at a wedding today at which my former youth church pastor was speaking. She said to the women in the crowd: "Wives, it is easy to submit in everything to your husbands when you know you are his everything."

When she said those words, it hit me how a wedding is such a beautiful picture of God's relationship with His church.

It's taken me long, winding journeys running away from church and religion and all the issues I had with it, to finally coming full circle. To a place where God, and church, is the highlight of my week, and the source of my strength and joy.

I realised that those words could be applied to our relationship with God. It's easy to submit to the circumstances He has placed you in when your perspective is that wherever He has you, He has you there for a reason, and it's a pretty darn good one. It's easy to trust that the job He's placed you in, the family He's placed you in, the season He's allowed you to be in, is meant for your good. When you know, not just in your head, but in your heart, that you are cherished, and loved... man. Nothing anyone says about you can take that away from you. Even the worst day can't get you down.

Sure, life is not problem-free or stress-free. Sometimes there are more questions than answers. Sometimes the circumstances you are in can feel totally complicated. But even in the beautiful mess of life, submitting, trusting, believing... can be easy, when you know you are loved. 

I don't know about you, but when people tell me that I seem to be enjoying life or my job a lot, I know that's not because I have the greatest life or job on earth (although in my mind, I do!), but because I know I'm loved, and that changes my reactions, my attitude, and my feelings towards everything that comes my way.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." // Jeremiah 29:11

Cold Tangerines: "This is the big moment."

"The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearls. And strung together, built upon one another, lined up through the days and the years, they make a life, a person.

This is it. That thing I'm waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets.

I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. The big moments are in every conversation, every meal, every meeting.

The Heisman Trophy winner knows this. He knows that his big moment was not when they gave him the trophy. It was the thousand times he went to practice instead of going back to bed. It was the miles run on rainy days, the healthy meals when a burger sounded like heaven. That big moment represented and rested on a foundation of moments that had come before it."

// Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist

Cold Tangerines: "The world is alive..."

"To choose to celebrate in the world we live in right now might seem irresponsible. It might seem frivolous, like cotton candy and charm bracelets. But I believe it is a serious undertaking, and one that has the potential to return us to our best selves, to deliver us back to the men and women God created us to be, people who choose to see the best, believe the best, yearn for the best.

Through that longing, we are changed and inspired, able to see the handwriting of a holy God where another person just sees the same old tired streets and sidewalks.

The world is alive, blinking and clicking, winking at us slyly, inviting us to get up and dance to the music that's been playing since the beginning of time, if you bend all the way down and put your ear to the ground to listen for it."

// Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist

anticipation

it's that feeling that something big is just around the corner. you can't see it, you don't know what exactly is coming or what it will involve, but you feel it in the air and you feel it in your bones. something exciting is about to happen.

human beings live on anticipation. being able to look forward to better days ahead is what keeps us alive. we plow through the dreary days and hang in through the storms in hopes that the sun will shine again.

and it does. after cold, dark winter nights, the sun shines through again. new life springs forth again. what was dead and buried is birthed anew all over again. time and time again.

it's almost as if the waiting is there to enlarge our expectation. almost as if the dying is necessary to make room for something else to be birthed.

this is why today, all over the world, we celebrate the waiting. advent. we celebrate the coming of Jesus, hope of the world, who came to die that we may live.

that we may look forward, with anticipation, to a new year ahead. a fresh start. another chance to start over. to believe that better days are ahead. and to do our part in working to make that happen. to live better, and to love better.

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." // Anne Lamott

An unexpected journey

 Some rights reserved by Aqua Eyes

I watched The Hobbit: An unexpected journey last night, and I couldn't have asked for a better movie to end the year 2012 with.

I think I can safely say that my entire year has been an unexpected journey - from the people I've come to call my friends and family, to the work that I've come to take much pride in, to the way my heart has been stretched and my fears challenged.

Yes, it's been a wonderful year, but not one that came without much pain, doubt, and second-guessing if I was where I was meant to be.

I can relate a lot to the story of Bilbo Baggins - a humble little hobbit who was quite happily living a comfortable little life, until Gandalf enters the scene and stirs everything up. I think a lot of us can relate. We all have our little "hobbit holes", our little bubbles of comfort, that is suddenly burst by an encounter with the real world. And we have a choice as to how we respond, just as Bilbo had when the wizard threw him a challenge:

"Home is now behind you. The world is ahead."

So many times throughout this year, I've felt like Bilbo - leaving the comfort of what I know and venturing out into the unknown. It's exciting, but it's also incredibly scary. And sometimes I do find myself longing for what I've left behind, until I realise, as Gandalf put it:

"If you return, you will never be the same again."

And when the rest of the rugged, weathered company of dwarves doubted the homely hobbit's ability, Gandalf retorts:

"He has more to give than any of you know! Even himself."

I remember so clearly the times I've sat in front of wise mentors, teary-eyed, and said, "I really don't know if I have what it takes to do this." There were so many times I felt like choosing the easy way out. I didn't know if I actually had it in me. But there were people who actually believed I did - and it was their steady encouragement that kept me going.

The wizard later confesses to Lady Galadriel why he singled out Bilbo for the task:

"Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? That's because I am afraid, and he gives me courage."

When the going gets tough, and when I start feeling discouraged, what keeps me inspired are not extraordinary acts by extraordinary people, but small everyday acts of courage by the everyday people in my life. It's a simple cup of freshly made coffee brought to my table by our office cleaner, who goes the extra mile by making coffee for those who come in early to the office. It's an intern who writes an enthusiastic note of encouragement that puts a smile on my face first thing in the morning.

It's the little things done by people who don't necessary have extraordinary skills and talents, but a huge heart. These people give me courage, and I hope that in whatever small ways, I am able to do the same for others as well.

The climax of the movie comes after Bilbo heroically risks his life to save Thorin. When Thorin finally recovers, he hugs Bilbo and tells him, "I'm sorry I doubted you."

I teared up when Bilbo replied, "It's alright, I would have doubted me too." Because that's exactly how I feel about my past year looking back. Back in January, if you'd told me about all the things I would do or experience this year, I would have completely doubted if I had what it takes.

But that's what faith is all about - it's about starting with what you've got, and trusting that your capacity will be increased along the way. It's about not despising the little things, but believing they will add up to bigger things. It's taking that very first step into that unexpected journey, trusting what you cannot see, but believing wholeheartedly that there are far better things ahead than any you are leaving behind. 

What it means to be a leader

This year taught me what it means to be a leader. I’ve grown up leading in church and college, and it came relatively easily to me, to be able to rally people together to organize a camp or complete a group project. But up till this year, I’d always seen being a leader as being a role model, an example for people to follow. I thought leadership required a certain caliber, the know-how for the position, and the ability to know what to tell people to do. This is true to a certain extent, but I’ve come to see leadership as so much more than that.

I’ve come to realise that what distinguishes a good leader from a great leader is that great leaders don’t just rally everyone around their vision. Great leaders give their vision to others. Great leaders give people a feeling of ownership, of empowerment. Great leaders bring out the best in people in every area of their life, challenging them to be their best as individuals, not as subordinates fulfilling a certain role.

I’ve learned this through the people I am incredibly privileged to follow. Being around these people makes me a better person. Even ten minute conversations with these great mentors leave me challenged and inspired. Observing the way they run meetings, handle difficult situations, make time to be present with people, or even stay back late after everyone else has left, is a crash course in what makes leaders great.

I clearly remember an occasion at work when our Executive Director took the time to wash our designer’s cup in the sink. That designer told that story later, half incredulous, half in awe at that simple gesture. She never forgot that incident, and it is encounters like these, I believe, that make people work over weekends or pull all-nighters to get the job done for the leaders they look up to and respect.

It’s the simplest things that win people’s hearts.

I’ve also learned this through the people I am incredibly privileged to lead. The highlights of my week that just went by were:

1) An intern telling me about how going through certain challenges taught her to appreciate her parents more, and being open to my encouragement to her that, “You should tell your parents that.” She did.
2) Our designer, who has been working with us for half a year, asking me if I could give her a ride back, after turning down my offers to drop her home countless times in the past, not wanting to ‘trouble’ me.

This may sound simple to some, but it’s things like these that hold a special place in my heart because it is in that moment you know that you’ve somehow been able to cross that invisible line of being a leader by title – to a person that people feel comfortable enough with to express things they wouldn’t express to just anyone else. It’s in conversations after work hours that you realise… this work relationship has become a personal relationship. You’re more than colleagues, you’re friends, and you look out for each other.

Some days I beat myself up over the way I could have completed a certain task better, and then a colleague sends an e-mail telling me that something I did or said inspired them. And it hits me – being a leader is not about proving how good you are at the job and that’s why you should lead the troops. It’s really about being able to relate to people, to meet them where they are, and to inspire them to be the best they can be. In fact, I believe that great leaders raise up followers who are more skilled, more talented, and more capable than them.

So my two goals for the year ahead in the area of leadership are: to listen more, and to be more present with people.

What about you? What have you learned this year about what it means to lead?

this life

this life is so fragile. but so beautiful.

this life is tough. but it's overcoming the challenges that makes us strong.

this life is sometimes painful. but it's working our way through the pain and finding a deeper, unshakable joy that goes beyond superficial happiness that gives life its meaning. 

advent: a season of joyful anticipation and the in-betweens

the word 'advent', used to describe the period of time leading up to christmas that is celebrated by those who believe, comes from the latin word meaning 'coming'. it describes a season for slowing down, reflecting, and most of all, anticipating fresh hope and grace for the season that lies ahead.

advent is all about anticipation and longing. we know there is something missing, that our souls are incomplete - but rather than longing for it in despair, our longing is joyful, rooted firmly in the hope that the missing piece has come and is coming afresh in our hearts all over again as we move towards a new year.

just like a pregnant mother anticipating the birth of her child, advent is a season of longing for a birth of something new, and something fresh. advent is a time that celebrates the anticipation, the in-between moments - between the time a trapeze artist jumps and the time he catches the next handle, between the time a seed is planted and the time it sends shoots above the ground, between the time a child is formed in the womb and the time it is born - advent is all about the in-betweens. the in-between the 'has been's and the 'not yet's. those delicate, tender moments of holding your breath because you're not quite sure what will happen next, and because at this fragile stage, anything could happen. but you keep hoping for the best, sensing that something beautiful is going to unfold up ahead.

so it is in this season that we who believe take the time to deliberately pull back in the midst of our busyness and all the festivity, to slow down and take a moment to take stock of the 'has been's - the milestones that have marked our past year, and the milestones that have marked our lives so far. we acknowledge the victories, but also the defeats, knowing that it is the sum of all of them that has shaped us for what lies ahead.

and we look forward. oh, we look forward to better things ahead than any we are leaving behind! we can only look forward, fearlessly and hopefully, when we have looked back enough and fully confronted everything in our past. advent is a chance to come clean and face the past before being thrust into the unknown future - a future that is safe, that we can look forward to even if we don't know what it holds, because we know that the One who holds it. and we know that He is good, and faithful, and gracious, and merciful, and kind, and most of all, loving.

advent is a season where we remember an age-old story, of Love coming down to earth, to make Himself relatable so we could understand what love is really all about. so we could live in relationships that give instead of taking away, that heal instead of hurting. as mother theresa, who lived among the poorest of the poor, put it - the greatest poverty is not being hungry, naked, or homeless. the greatest poverty is the poverty of being unloved, unwanted, uncared for. this poverty is not limited to what race, religion, country, or economic group you are from - it's everywhere.

imagine how different this world would look if every single person in it genuinely believed they were loved, cherished, special! that's what christmas, to me, is all about. it's about the most powerful, incomprehensible Being in the universe making himself small and tiny to show us that even in our humble, fragile states, we are valued, treasured, loved. christmas is not about a day - it's about a lifestyle of living in remembrance of that Great Story. and advent is a chance to revisit that story, to give thanks for another year of living and loving, and to look forward... to a fresh chapter, and to learning to love a little bit better.

***

this season's advent reading: 'searching for God knows what' by donald miller; 'the shack' by w paul young. here are some of my favourite quotes:

searching for God knows what (donald miller):

“Imagine how a man’s life would be if he trusted that he was loved by God. How he could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would be slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he could love people without expecting anything in return. It would be quite beautiful, really.”

"I wondered how beautiful it is that you and I were created to need each other. In this way, we are made in God’s image. Certainly God does not need people in the way you and I do, but He feels a joy at being loved, and He feels a joy at delivering love. The Bible, with all its understanding of the relational needs of humans, was becoming more meaningful to me as I turned the pages. God made me, He knows me, He understands me, and He wants community.”

“The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us to not rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love.”

the shack (w paul young):

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then you will pray for his wholeness.”

“Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak.”

“Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved.”

“I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.”

“...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes."

“If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is an expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. The expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else.”

“Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.”

“All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda.”

"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.”

"Does that mean," asked Mack, "that all roads will lead to you?" Not at all," smiled Jesus as he reached for the door handle to the shop. "Most roads don't lead anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you.”

***

“There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved: It is God's finger on man's shoulder.” // Charles Morgan