Why I stopped waiting for someday

"You will always be waiting for tomorrow if you don’t start living for today. You will always be waiting for the next big thing to come: the job, the degree, the partner, the house, the time to travel, the money. Once you get into the mindset of perpetually waiting, you’ll also fall into the habit of not being okay with things as they are. More likely than not, you will get most of those things, and when they come, you won’t enjoy them because you will only be looking forward to the next thing. You may retaliate with, well, there’s nothing to be happy about now, but you have to learn to make it for yourself. You have to learn to see it." // Thought Catalog

Last week, I went on one of the best holidays of my life. You know, one of those totally-unplanned-spontaneous-random kind of vacations. The kind that involves trying many things for the first time, from walking along Welsh seaside cliffs in the summer to visiting an aquarium alone, to wandering through Camden Town, to trying out new hipster coffee joints in London; the kind that involves travelling alone, travelling with friends, and making many new friends along the way.

I don't know why I waited so long to take such a holiday. In fact, I didn't deliberately take the holiday - it more of came to me, suggested and encouraged by people along the way who probably knew I was in dire need of a long overdue break.

I'd been telling myself I don't have the budget to go away somewhere and enjoy myself, that my team at work needed me too much for me to possibly think of escaping for a week, that a holiday wouldn't be as fun without my partner or close friends, and that travelling alone was lonely (I'd travelled alone last year, and while I enjoyed most of it, I hated being alone at night, long plane / train / bus rides solo, and standing alone at cold, windy train stations with no warm arm to hold on to).

And so I was subconsciously waiting. Waiting for the ideal situation to get away. Waiting for things to settle down at work. Waiting to save 'enough'. Waiting for friends to block out the dates on their busy calendars so we could plan a getaway together. Waiting to get married, even, silly as it sounds, so I could travel conveniently with my other half.

In hindsight, it seems ridiculous. I don't know how I could've tried so hard to resist a getaway that was so deliciously refreshing and soul-rejuvenating, because it's taught me so much.

I've learned that my team can survive a week without me. That I don't need to be with my best buddies or be married to find fun travelling companions. That somehow even on a tiny budget, enough comes along once you make the decision to go. Wow, big surprises there.

I've learned that it's okay to have fun alone. That having fun alone doesn't mean you don't think about the ones you left behind any less; that it's possible to enjoy yourself and miss someone at the same time; that you're not caring any less by doing that; that by doing so, you're making the most of the only thing you have any real control over - where you are right now, in the present. And I think I've finally stopped telling myself I have commitment issues, and accepted the fact that it is completely possible to be both independent and attached at the same time. I can choose to stay tied to my roots, while not letting them dictate my happiness or state of mind.

I've learned that making new friends means more people to say 'goodbye' to, and while goodbyes are never fun, they are bearable. I used to be the kind of emotionally stunted person who started distancing myself every time another friend started making plans to go abroad, because I just didn't know how to say goodbye. I suppose in some way, I was trying to protect myself from the yucky feelings that come with goodbyes. But I've learned that sometimes just blurting out "OMG I'm going to miss you!" makes the yucky feelings slightly more bearable. And it also brings you that much closer to people.

I've been reminded that I don't spend close to enough time alone. That there's so much self-searching and reflection that can be done in a simple hour-long walk around the neighbourhood on a blustery day.

I've learned that strangers can make for pretty good conversation, once I forget my shyness and Asian paiseh-ness and just speak my mind or initiate a greeting first.

I've learned that go-with-the-flow doesn't have to be stressful - that it's possible to plan to have no plans, and let things catch you by surprise! That I don't have to have a meltdown if I got on the wrong Tube line but I can spend my time people-watching the interesting characters around me; and that if plans fall through to meet one friend I can always schedule a meeting with another.

Most importantly, I've learned that while sometimes waiting is good because it teaches you patience, other times, waiting is simply living in denial. If it's an ideal situation we're waiting for, it will never come.

I've learned that life is all about choices. We choose to be as content or happy as we want to be. We choose to be as calm and exuberant about each day as we want to be. We choose to be as busy or stressed as we want to be. We choose to work as fast or walk as slowly or love as hard as we want to. We choose to see things as we want to see them.

And we choose if we want to keep waiting for 'someday' or 'The One' to come, or if we want to get up and make today a special, beautiful, wonderful day, and to love the ones we do have in our lives right now.

To sum it up with a quote from the wise ol' Albert Einstein, here's why sometimes we just can't afford to wait any longer and just gotta get with it: