The longer I stay in this relationship, the more I find that love is not so much about falling for all the endearing things the other person does or being swept off your feet by that person's charm - it's about learning what it means to accept another person just as that person is, quirks and flaws, and to give that person the space to be wonderfully, uniquely imperfect.
It's discovering that the way that person says certain things gets you really annoyed, but deciding you can live with it. It's realising how tempting it is to snap when the other person makes a mistake, but deciding to let out a huge sigh and bite your tongue instead. It's not necessary liking or agreeing with that person's decisions, but letting him make them still. It's sometimes disagreeing when it comes to things like style and dressing, but being proud to be seen beside that person anyway.
It's not easy to come to that place where after many arguments, you realise that even the worst of arguments wouldn't be a reason to leave, because you've come to that place of mutual acceptance that is so hard to find. And when you're at that place, it hits you that there's probably no one else on earth whom you know better or who knows you better - but at the same time, you've both grown so much in your own ways and continue to encourage each other's personal development that you also know there will be so many parts of the other person that will remain a mystery. And that's okay.
Because love is not about always being the first thing on that's person's mind in the morning, or the last voice you hear before you drift off to sleep. It's not memorising a person's favourite colour or remembering her favourite food. It's knowing that life is never so simple, that your routines will change, and so will your favourite things. And it's knowing that life can change as much as it likes but you're still going to stick with this one person out of the six billion others on the planet.
It's that calm and quiet assurance that even when real life kicks in and gets real crazy, no matter how late you'll have to work, no matter how far the distance from each other, no matter how different the backgrounds you come from, no matter all the challenges and stresses that life throws your way - you know that you've found someone who accepts you and your crazy work hours, your overbearing mother, your overseas ambitions, your expensive hobbies, your weird friends, your demanding boss, or your busy schedule - someone who just accepts you, and everything else that comes along with the package, because that person knows you can't pick and choose what you want in love. And someone whom you can accept as well.
And when you're in that place, you both know that while understanding is ideal, you don't need to understand to accept. While encouraging the other person to change, especially if it's for the better, you don't try to make projects of each other. While the other person's feelings is of utmost importance to you, you don't let yourself be weighed down by them. Because accepting another is not trying to 'fix' that person but simply understanding that it's okay to have emotions and 'this too, will pass' - and just walking beside that person until the storm blows over.
But acceptance is not resignation. It is not giving up hope that things won't get better or that the person will ever change. It is making peace with the journey, and knowing that nothing happens overnight. And it's learning to smile through the tears, to dance in the rain, and to just enjoy the ride.
“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love." // James Kavanaugh
It's discovering that the way that person says certain things gets you really annoyed, but deciding you can live with it. It's realising how tempting it is to snap when the other person makes a mistake, but deciding to let out a huge sigh and bite your tongue instead. It's not necessary liking or agreeing with that person's decisions, but letting him make them still. It's sometimes disagreeing when it comes to things like style and dressing, but being proud to be seen beside that person anyway.
It's not easy to come to that place where after many arguments, you realise that even the worst of arguments wouldn't be a reason to leave, because you've come to that place of mutual acceptance that is so hard to find. And when you're at that place, it hits you that there's probably no one else on earth whom you know better or who knows you better - but at the same time, you've both grown so much in your own ways and continue to encourage each other's personal development that you also know there will be so many parts of the other person that will remain a mystery. And that's okay.
Because love is not about always being the first thing on that's person's mind in the morning, or the last voice you hear before you drift off to sleep. It's not memorising a person's favourite colour or remembering her favourite food. It's knowing that life is never so simple, that your routines will change, and so will your favourite things. And it's knowing that life can change as much as it likes but you're still going to stick with this one person out of the six billion others on the planet.
It's that calm and quiet assurance that even when real life kicks in and gets real crazy, no matter how late you'll have to work, no matter how far the distance from each other, no matter how different the backgrounds you come from, no matter all the challenges and stresses that life throws your way - you know that you've found someone who accepts you and your crazy work hours, your overbearing mother, your overseas ambitions, your expensive hobbies, your weird friends, your demanding boss, or your busy schedule - someone who just accepts you, and everything else that comes along with the package, because that person knows you can't pick and choose what you want in love. And someone whom you can accept as well.
And when you're in that place, you both know that while understanding is ideal, you don't need to understand to accept. While encouraging the other person to change, especially if it's for the better, you don't try to make projects of each other. While the other person's feelings is of utmost importance to you, you don't let yourself be weighed down by them. Because accepting another is not trying to 'fix' that person but simply understanding that it's okay to have emotions and 'this too, will pass' - and just walking beside that person until the storm blows over.
But acceptance is not resignation. It is not giving up hope that things won't get better or that the person will ever change. It is making peace with the journey, and knowing that nothing happens overnight. And it's learning to smile through the tears, to dance in the rain, and to just enjoy the ride.
“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love." // James Kavanaugh
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