On change and new discoveries

One of the things I am learning as I grow up is that changing your mind about something is not the same as selling out or being untrue to yourself or abandoning your values. It's accepting that as a young person, your experiences are limited, and therefore your perspectives about things are limited as well. And it's okay to look back at realise that the way you look at certain things has changed.

As a child, I used to think to myself, "When I become a parent, I wouldn't do this, this and this", or "If I were a wife, I wouldn't say this, this and this". I wondered why adults didn't have things figured out. I was idealistic and naive. I thought to myself, "It's so simple - if it were me, I'd do it this way." I used to be so sure of what I wanted - and what I wanted was to be different from everyone else, because I was sure I had things figured out.

And the more I grow up, the more I'm learning to graciously accept the wisdom of those around me. I no longer see that as "giving in" or "bowing" to the opinions of others - I'm learning to accept that I don't always know everything, and I'm not always right. I used to look at all my parents' flaws and tell myself I never wanted to be like them - but these days, I see more and more things that I admire about them - values I want to cultivate in my own life and pass on to my children too.

I used to tell myself I could never see myself in the corporate world, that boardrooms and bulleted PowerPoint slides were too limiting for a free spirit like me. But I'm glad I changed my mind and I now find much fulfilment in what I do. And people ask me, "But how can you just give up who you used to be?". I don't think it's so much giving up who I used to be, but discovering more of who I am. That I am not a one-dimensional being. Yes, I am artistic, creative, and non-conformist, but at the same time, I also enjoy putting order into things and finding patterns and process flows in the midst of chaos. It's not a contradiction - it's an extension of who I am.

I used to find folding laundry and hanging clothes a painful chore. I'm glad I stuck at it long enough to get to a place where I now find the fresh smell of just-washed clothes therapeutic and calming.

So often, I hear people saying, "I can't do this, because I'm this type of person", or "Oh, that's so not me", or "That's not my kind of thing" - and I want to say to them, don't limit yourself! Don't limit your experiences.

I love telling these stories of how I used to be an introvert, how I used to hate meeting new people and how conversations with strangers were always painfully awkward, because every single time the disbelief in their eyes cracks me up. "You?!? But you seem like such a sociable person!" Well, it sure didn't happen overnight. And it wouldn't have happened if I decided, "Well, that's just not me so I'm not going to make an effort to try."

So don't be so quick to say you can't. Don't be so quick to say no to things. Don't be so quick to give up on things that seem to be going nowhere. Give things time. Give people time. Give yourself time. And learn to accept that even if you lived to be a hundred, you'll keep discovering new things about yourself. Yes, it will take courage. It's always scary to venture out into the unfamiliar, untested unknown. But I think we are far more equipped and capable to take on challenges than many of us realise.

And life is really so much more enriching when it's filled with challenges and new discoveries along the way. :)

"Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots." // Victor Hugo 

"I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change…I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back." // Erica Jong