The first thing. The most important thing. The only thing.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God... and all these things will be added to you." // Matthew 6:33

The first week of the year was a hectic, but good one. I managed to accomplish all the things I set out to do, and I was feeling pretty productive. By the time the weekend rolled around, however, I found myself completely drained. Emotionally, mentally, and physically tired. I found myself asking God how after such a fulfilling week, I could end up feeling this way - frustrated at myself for not being able to do more, and just basically feeling lifeless and joy-less. After all, I'd been doing everything right - organising my priorities, setting my goals for the month and year ahead, and even managing to journal and read my Bible daily.

And then He spoke. Calmly and gently through my worrying and tiredness, bringing focus and clarity. Humbling me. Quieting my heart and reminding me of what matters.

"Am I number one in your life? Not just above the distractions of life - but even above the good things? Are you giving me your entire day or just a calendar booking in the middle of it? You can have all the right intentions and methods, and you can tick all the boxes, but do you remember what I'm really after?

I'm after your heart - I'm after all of you. I want to be the center of your life, not just a part of it. I want to be more than a nice-to-have - I want you to experience the height, the depth, the reality of my presence - which transcends all your fears, worries, doubt and busyness.

Are you trying to find rest the logical way? In more hours of sleep, in more rigid timetables, in getting more organised, in exercise? They're good things, but they are not Me. I am God not just for the good days, but for days of need and emptiness, and I. want. you. to. know. that. That is the most important thing to know. Not just know it in your head, but to experience my strength when you are weak, my joy when you are frustrated, my peace when all around is chaos. When you say you want to experience me, do you want to experience some airy-fairy, feel-good notion of me, or do you want to experience Me?"

"...the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” // Luke 10:41-42

Life Lessons for the woman's heart

I have the amazing privilege of attending a church led by two amazing pastors, Lindsay and Nathan Bruce (a husband and wife team), but I'm especially blessed to know and be challenged by Lindsay and the way she lives her life as a strong and passionate woman, in more ways than one.

At a recent Sisterhood gathering at Starbucks along Linthorpe Road, she shared with a bunch of girls and women some of the things she learned along the journey of her life, all of which really, really challenged me and so I thought I'd post some of them up to share with all you girls out there too. :)

1. "You have to start somewhere." Even the biggest dreams and loftiest accomplishments all started from somewhere. Or, in the words of Lao-Tzu, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I'm a deeply self-reflective person and I always tend to look back on life and think about how far I've come. Every time I do that, I think about how I never imagined I'd be where I am today, with the background I've come from. But it all started somewhere - with a dream to be more than I could ever imagine being.

2. "Connection is everything." Guys, even though they might not share personal things or talk about their feelings much with each other, tend to have each other's backs as 'bros'. There is an unspoken 'bro code' which dictates that you watch out for your brothers as they watch out for you. Women are notorious for having no such code of behavior, with back-stabbing, bitchiness, gossiping, and jealousy being the status quo when it comes to groups of women. I bet I'm not the only girl who finds it hard to open up to and trust other girls, and I've had more than one girlfriend remark that guys are easier to talk to because they're straight-forward and there's none of that pretense and fake-ness that you might get with other women.

But especially growing up with two brothers and now living in a house FULL of boys, I know how extremely crucial it is for the feminine side of me to be nurtured by the company of other women. After too long of going without a heart-to-heart with a girlfriend I literally feel like I've overdosed on testosterone and I really, really, need some girly time to stay sane. I need to know I'm not going crazy because I feel emotions, to know that I'm not mad or weird because I think a certain way, to be in the company of a group of people who understand period cramps, insecurity about your looks, how demeaning and insulting it is when sexist remarks are made in front of you or worse about you, and who react to things the way I do.

3. "Don't allow yourself to be defined by any title." This is a biggie I really, really struggle with. I'm so used to playing certain roles: "oldest child", "the responsible one", "the good student", and so on, that when I begin to feel any of these roles are being threatened, or that people don't perceive me as living up to them, my ENTIRE identity is brought into question.

Not only that, but I sometimes use my roles to excuse my behavior. "I'm the oldest child, the guinea pig, so I'm meant to be rebellious." And one that strikes very close to my heart lately: "I'm Asian and a foreign student, not like people here will understand me anyway, and not like they are interested in the fact that I have had a completely different upbringing from them, so why bother trying to relate to people here?" But fitting yourself into labels is so unhealthy, because it limits you completely.

So there you go... hope you've been challenged by these lessons and if you have, do drop a note to share your thoughts! :) Much, more love to all my sistahhs out there! Stay amazing and beautiful.