"If you hold back on the emotions - if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
"But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.' "
I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.
Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, "All right, that's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."
Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment of loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."
-Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom
"You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”
“But I love him.”
“So love him.”
“But I miss him.”
“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone."
-Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
is the book as good as the movie?
ReplyDeleteor better? (:
I was just thinking about this the other day and how it used to be so easy for me to just feel and then detach. It's how I managed to write, I think.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, all of it - feeling, detaching, writing (getting up in the morning...sigh) - is just difficult. :(
what if, instead of love and miss, it was anger and hatred?..
ReplyDelete[lynette] I think it captures the essence of the book pretty well. Ending is Hollywood-ized as usual, cos books usually have sad endings (eg. Dear John and Breakfast at Tiffany's). Otherwise, the movie's okay :) The book gets a bit draggy in the middle and her writing gets a bit cheong hei sometimes so it takes awhile to read the book.
ReplyDelete[jean] maybe that's cos you're getting to the deepest, most intense emotions? *hugs*
[hajok] then be angry but dont take it out on others. it's the same with letting the tears fall - the emotions have to go somewhere before you can let go of them. easier said than done though.
hey mabelas fren
ReplyDeletecant help but to stalk
great post. really brought some sense in me. :)
thanks