The past three weeks have been crazy, fun-filled, mind-blowing weeks where I had the privilege to do stuff I never thought I'd be able to - not this soon, at least. And in a few days, I'll be checking one item off my bucket list - climbing Mount Kinabalu - again, something I'd always wanted to do but never thought that I'd be able to do so soon.
At a glance, all these things seem so exciting, so 'adventurous', as people have often described my life. But it's in the quiet moments that I realise it's not the 'big' things that give my life meaning. It's not the visible 'accomplishments' or 'success' that took the most effort or courage to achieve; it's the hidden battles that no one sees that don't come easy.
Despite my varied interests and activities, I'm still very much a writer at heart. Which means I'm a deeply private person. I don't naturally enjoy prolonged socialising and interacting with people - getting out there and taking the initiative to make connections and volunteer myself for things is not something that comes easily for me. Hard to believe sometimes maybe, but it's true.
Yet I find myself pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing the very things I struggle with.
And in the quiet moments, I ask myself, Why are you doing all these things, Crys? Is it out of a sense of pride in my accomplishments? Is it so people will see how good or accomplished a person you are? Is it just to prove a point to the people who have discouraged you or said "You can't" along the way?
Maybe it's a little of all those things. I am only human. But I think if I were driven solely by those things, I'd have burned out a long time ago.
And so I ask myself, on an almost daily basis, Why do I bother doing what I do? What is it that I really want to do with my life? How is the way I'm living today helping me get to that ultimate goal?
I find myself, again and again, coming back to the same answers.
I want to make a difference. But not just any difference. I want to be a force for good. I want to give to others, because people have given to me. I want to inspire others, because people have inspired me. I want to bring hope, just as I have been given hope. I want to love, just as I have been loved.
It's never an easy road to take to choose to live by and stand for the things you believe in. It's very often, in fact, exhausting. But every time I start feeling tired I remind myself of how blessed and loved I am, and I focus on all the good things that are in my life, and somehow, I find enough strength to keep moving forward in this journey of learning to love and help and serve those around me better.
This weekend, this song has been the refreshing reminder I needed. I've been drowning myself in the lyrics and melodies and literally looping it over and over again as I caught up on some much-needed rest over the weekend. Hope it blesses you too.
No comments:
Post a Comment