the law of the harvest

mine is a generation, by and large, that has not been taught the law of the harvest.

we have been taught to get by with quick fixes, shortcuts, and instant solutions. we want to reap where we have not sown and gain success without paying the price. and for awhile, that might work. for awhile, we can appear to be successful. spend a few months in the gym, get the body we've always wanted, flirt and charm our way, get the attention we've always craved, manipulate and fight our way to the top, get the promotion and validation we seek.

but the true test of success is if what you've achieved will stand the test of time. you haven't really succeeded if a few months down the road, your exercise schedule crumbles. your relationship crumbles. your body, mind, soul burns out.

our 'success' crumbles because we have not spent the time and energy building a foundation that will ensure that all we have achieved stands strong. a foundation built from discipline, consistency, and a deep respect for one's identity, for one's role in a bigger picture.

truly successful people understand the law of the harvest. they understand that anything worth doing and anything great worth building takes time. it takes time to till the soil, to sow, nurture, and cultivate before the rewards can be reaped. it takes time to build foundations that are deeply rooted and strong enough to withstand whatever life throws their way. it takes time to develop the character and the maturity to accept full responsibility for their own lives. they have a deep sense of stewardship - they see their lives as having a greater purpose, their work as having a greater meaning - and it is their duty to cultivate and grow their potential, for the benefit of those around them. they seek to make the world a better place. 

i want to be that kind of person, to have that kind of success. i want so much to live a story worth telling. i'm not asking for a life that's easy, because that would make me like everyone else. i'm asking for a life filled with meaning and passion and purpose. i want to always keep alive the fire that keeps me pushing myself out of my comfort zone every single day. i want to own myself - not be owned by my history, my emotions, my fears, other people's opinions about me, my titles, or my situation. i want to be so certain of who i am and who He has called me to be that i can go through anything and not be shaken. 

may i never ever settle for short-sightedness, shallow living, navel-gazing, cheap thrills, or temporary satisfaction, but run relentlessly towards a truth and a freedom that lasts forever.

what if everything you ever wanted or needed was right in front of you?

it's been a long time since i've felt so fired up.

for the first time in a very long time, i feel like oh.my.goodness. this is how things are supposed to be. this is where i am supposed to be.

over the last few weeks, i've made some bold choices. (choices that were also fueled by the privilege of having a lot of time + guidance to do a lot of soul-searching + reflecting... cosmic / divine intervention, perhaps?)

i decided to stop choosing the cheap easy way out of not rocking the boat, of settling for 'normal'. i decided that i want instead the other kind of easy - the quality kind of easy -
where i stop trying so hard to make sure i have it all figured out,
where i stop fighting against the current,
where i stop letting myself be pulled in all different directions,
where i stop being afraid to make decisions because i want to keep all my options open,
and where i tell myself that all that is just not worth it, and walk away.

because i have better things to do with my energy. and because in saying no to all that, i'm saying yes to grace, and yes to trusting.

yes to trusting that here is exactly where i am supposed to be. me is exactly who i am supposed to be. this is exactly what i am supposed to be doing. i don't have to try so hard all the time.

i've had conversation after conversation this week - and like a broken record, i find the words of my story spilling out from within. words filled with so much life, so much passion, so much intensity that even listening to myself, i go, whoa, who is this girl?!? in my head.

over and over again, i've been telling people - i used to have it all figured out. graduate, get the master's degree, get married at 24, be my own boss, open a coffeehouse, write a book, freelance + travel the world. that was my big brilliant plan for life, and i was not going to give it up at any cost.

then life happened. i fell in and out of love more times than you would think necessary for me to learn that the kind of love that makes you want to take that leap into marriage doesn't come easy. i got a scholarship and ended up working in the last place i ever imagined i'd be, at a 9-5 corporate job. and to my 16-year old self who set all those goals for myself, right now, i probably don't look like i'm on track towards achieving them.

yet i've never felt this liberated in my life.

through a combination of factors over the past week - a series of soul-searching conversations with friends, reading books like the purpose driven life and the firestarter sessions, and attending a personal development workshop and doing a series of reflective exercises at work - it's like the lights came on for me.

we did this activity during the workshop to help us discover our values - the key base factors that drive everything we do. and surprisingly, mine wasn't about travel or creativity or having a freelance career or all these things i used to think were super important for me to live a happy, fulfilled life.

i discovered that the reason i wanted all those things was ultimately being driven by a deeper desire for other things.

the reason travel is so important to me is because it represents variety. but i would rather live in one place while having a variety of experiences than travel around the world doing the same things - like flying from one business meeting to another, and being stuck in similar-looking meeting rooms, hotels, and business class lounges.

the reason having a freelance career is so important to me is because for me that represents freedom, and choices. but i might not necessarily have freedom if i'm a freelancer struggling to pay my bills. and conversely, i could be employed but in a position where i'm given many opportunities and choices. so it really boils down to having the power of choice - and the freedom of feeling that whatever i'm doing, i am not compromising on who i am.

the reason freedom and choices are so important to me is because ultimately, i want the freedom of choice - to live up to my fullest potential, without expectations or obligations holding me back, or feeling that i need to conform to the status quo.

when it comes down to it, that one thing that drives my life is this: the desire to be sure that whatever choice i make is the absolute best. one of the saddest stories i've ever heard is of walt disney's friend, art linkletter, who was driving with him through the orange orchard that would become disneyland when the idea for the theme park first hit disney. walt disney invited art to partner with him to build disneyland - but he couldn't see the potential of it. years later, as he walked through that former orchard that they drove past, now disneyland, he thought of the millions and millions of dollars he had lost because he missed the opportunity to be a part of walt disney's dream.

that's what drives my life. whatever i'm doing, i want to know - this is it. this is 100% the best thing i can be doing with my life right now. right now it might mean giving up the comfort and security of a stable relationship so i can focus on working towards a vision i believe in. 10 years later, it might mean giving up an incredible career because my kids are the most important thing to invest in. whatever it is, i realised i don't care so much what i do - as long as i know for sure that whatever i'm doing is not second best.

the moment i realised that, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head - no, a million lightbulbs - and a blaze ignited somewhere deep within. so this is why i've made the choices i've made and given up the 'dreams' i've given up. yes, where i am may not be where i expected to be, but that doesn't mean i'm compromising on my values or my dreams.

i never expected i would be 22, not be in a relationship that's headed towards marriage, be working at a corporate job - and not only being okay with it, but loving where i am (but that's another long story for another post). i'm glad i didn't win that trip around the world. i'm glad things didn't work out the way i wanted them to. otherwise i wouldn't have discovered how much i love what i'm actually doing right now.

yes, things haven't quite turned out as i wanted. i wanted good. but what if in letting go of good, in giving up the desperate, frantic search for it... i allow room for amazing to rush in? what if maybe i don't have to chase an amazing life but i actually need to slow down, so it can catch up with me?

what if it's already in front of me?

what if i'm as free as i choose to be?

what if?

"I'm going for revolutionary, thank you. Not warm - hot. Not bright - blazing." -Danielle LaPorte

"You know what's easy? Dreaming. Hanging out with people who make you feel good. Laughing. Resting. Being passionate. There is nothing as easy as being inspired." -Danielle LaPorte

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull . . . was no ordinary bird. Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight— how to get from shore to food and back again. For most gulls, it is not flying that matters, but eating. For this gull, though, it was not eating that mattered, but flight. More than anything else, Jonathan Livingston Seagull loved to fly." -Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Endless energy, boundless strength - Why I do what I do

I doubt two weeks have ever passed faster in my life, as the past two weeks have.

Taking some time out to reflect and look back at it, I'm so amazed at how Big Idea, a forum/workshop to inspire young people to Creativity, Big Ideas, and pursuing their dreams, was weaved together in just the last two and a half weeks.

A mere two and a half weeks ago, I had a Big Idea. I approached two sisters who run their own company, founded on another Big Idea, and we decided to combine our ideas and organise this Big Idea event.

In these two weeks, people have come into our Team and our lives, catching the vision and providing the support, encouragement, funds, and resources needed to make this Big Idea a reality.

Next Friday, more than 80 creative, passionate, and brilliant young minds will meet at KLPac in the beautiful Sentul Park, to hear seven highly accomplished and successful speakers from a wide range of fields and industries - from business to music, from magic to environmental protection, from community outreach to hairstyling, from motivational training to corporate talent development - share their insights on creativity and how they got to where they are today.

Looking at how it all came together, I am so blown away - and so thankful for the privilege of working with such amazing, motivated, and passionate people and such an inspiring project.

But above all I'm so thankful that I work with a team whose priority is God - whose priority is advancing His values and His truth and His creativity not just within the walls of the church - but beyond it.

Today on the way back home on the LRT I was reading a passage from Ephesians that I felt was very fitting for the Team in this season that I pray might bless you too:

"I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

All this energy issues from Christ: God raised him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from his rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 

The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence."

-Ephesians 1 (The Message)

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. 
-John 10:10 (NLT)

Live creatively, friends. 

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't compare yourself with others. Take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

-Galatians 6:1-5 (The Message)

Abandoned

So things have been a little crazy lately...

Every time things get this way, I crave some quiet downtime, and though I might not be able to grab as much of it as I'd like to, I enjoy spending such time unwinding with some thoughtful music and typing my thoughts out here.

Lots of exciting stuff has been happening lately, which I've become over the last few weeks, very familiar with pitching to anyone and everyone I meet. But this space and this time isn't for talking about those things. It's for talking about real.

Real is the fact that in spite of the whirlwind of activity going on around me, there are still the quiet, empty moments - that somehow seem to be felt even more acutely against the flurry of events taking place.

Real is me very much wondering if where I am and what I'm doing is where God wants me to be.

Real is wishing I could trade all these amazing things for the simple things - for a shoulder to rest my head on, for a hand and a heart to hold.

Real is asking how much longer I have to wait for those things.

Real is trying not to lose sight of the goals I run towards as distractions crowd in from all sides.

I want so many things. More time. More energy. Someone special. A simpler way to do things. A less scary way to reach for my dreams. I want a lazy day in.

At times like these when I look at all I lack, my hands and heart feel so empty, so aching to be filled.

I suppose this is what it means to devote yourself to something with abandon. To spend yourself to the last drop on something you consider most worthy over every other love. I guess the reason I'm still here pursuing what I believe is worthwhile over pursuing what I want... is that I've found that Something.

Something I wouldn't trade for easier, for less scary, for someone to love me and hold me the way I want to be loved and held right this instant. Something infinitely better than all the other good things I can think about.  Something I would spend every last reserve on, even if it means all my other loves take a backseat.

Times like these my hands and heart feel so empty - but I know, even though I don't feel it - that they are being filled, with the kind of fullness that comes from spending every last bit of yourself until nothing remains... only whatever you have been spending yourself on.

I know even though I may feel tired, afraid, discouraged, lonely - I know I am being changed. Slowly, but surely. The thought processes that take place in my head, the instinctive reactions I have to things - slowly, they are being changed.

Speaking of spending myself, I have been very challenged by the life of an amazing man, William Borden, who understood exactly what it meant to abandon yourself to a worthy cause. I have this quote book that's one of my most cherished possessions in which I write down every quote that's meant a lot to me and carried me through the seasons of life.

On the front page, I wrote his words:

"No reserves. No retreat. No regrets."

I pray with every morning I wake and every breath I take that those words will be my life's prayer.

No reserves.

No retreat.

No regrets.