the law of the harvest

mine is a generation, by and large, that has not been taught the law of the harvest.

we have been taught to get by with quick fixes, shortcuts, and instant solutions. we want to reap where we have not sown and gain success without paying the price. and for awhile, that might work. for awhile, we can appear to be successful. spend a few months in the gym, get the body we've always wanted, flirt and charm our way, get the attention we've always craved, manipulate and fight our way to the top, get the promotion and validation we seek.

but the true test of success is if what you've achieved will stand the test of time. you haven't really succeeded if a few months down the road, your exercise schedule crumbles. your relationship crumbles. your body, mind, soul burns out.

our 'success' crumbles because we have not spent the time and energy building a foundation that will ensure that all we have achieved stands strong. a foundation built from discipline, consistency, and a deep respect for one's identity, for one's role in a bigger picture.

truly successful people understand the law of the harvest. they understand that anything worth doing and anything great worth building takes time. it takes time to till the soil, to sow, nurture, and cultivate before the rewards can be reaped. it takes time to build foundations that are deeply rooted and strong enough to withstand whatever life throws their way. it takes time to develop the character and the maturity to accept full responsibility for their own lives. they have a deep sense of stewardship - they see their lives as having a greater purpose, their work as having a greater meaning - and it is their duty to cultivate and grow their potential, for the benefit of those around them. they seek to make the world a better place. 

i want to be that kind of person, to have that kind of success. i want so much to live a story worth telling. i'm not asking for a life that's easy, because that would make me like everyone else. i'm asking for a life filled with meaning and passion and purpose. i want to always keep alive the fire that keeps me pushing myself out of my comfort zone every single day. i want to own myself - not be owned by my history, my emotions, my fears, other people's opinions about me, my titles, or my situation. i want to be so certain of who i am and who He has called me to be that i can go through anything and not be shaken. 

may i never ever settle for short-sightedness, shallow living, navel-gazing, cheap thrills, or temporary satisfaction, but run relentlessly towards a truth and a freedom that lasts forever.

what if everything you ever wanted or needed was right in front of you?

it's been a long time since i've felt so fired up.

for the first time in a very long time, i feel like oh.my.goodness. this is how things are supposed to be. this is where i am supposed to be.

over the last few weeks, i've made some bold choices. (choices that were also fueled by the privilege of having a lot of time + guidance to do a lot of soul-searching + reflecting... cosmic / divine intervention, perhaps?)

i decided to stop choosing the cheap easy way out of not rocking the boat, of settling for 'normal'. i decided that i want instead the other kind of easy - the quality kind of easy -
where i stop trying so hard to make sure i have it all figured out,
where i stop fighting against the current,
where i stop letting myself be pulled in all different directions,
where i stop being afraid to make decisions because i want to keep all my options open,
and where i tell myself that all that is just not worth it, and walk away.

because i have better things to do with my energy. and because in saying no to all that, i'm saying yes to grace, and yes to trusting.

yes to trusting that here is exactly where i am supposed to be. me is exactly who i am supposed to be. this is exactly what i am supposed to be doing. i don't have to try so hard all the time.

i've had conversation after conversation this week - and like a broken record, i find the words of my story spilling out from within. words filled with so much life, so much passion, so much intensity that even listening to myself, i go, whoa, who is this girl?!? in my head.

over and over again, i've been telling people - i used to have it all figured out. graduate, get the master's degree, get married at 24, be my own boss, open a coffeehouse, write a book, freelance + travel the world. that was my big brilliant plan for life, and i was not going to give it up at any cost.

then life happened. i fell in and out of love more times than you would think necessary for me to learn that the kind of love that makes you want to take that leap into marriage doesn't come easy. i got a scholarship and ended up working in the last place i ever imagined i'd be, at a 9-5 corporate job. and to my 16-year old self who set all those goals for myself, right now, i probably don't look like i'm on track towards achieving them.

yet i've never felt this liberated in my life.

through a combination of factors over the past week - a series of soul-searching conversations with friends, reading books like the purpose driven life and the firestarter sessions, and attending a personal development workshop and doing a series of reflective exercises at work - it's like the lights came on for me.

we did this activity during the workshop to help us discover our values - the key base factors that drive everything we do. and surprisingly, mine wasn't about travel or creativity or having a freelance career or all these things i used to think were super important for me to live a happy, fulfilled life.

i discovered that the reason i wanted all those things was ultimately being driven by a deeper desire for other things.

the reason travel is so important to me is because it represents variety. but i would rather live in one place while having a variety of experiences than travel around the world doing the same things - like flying from one business meeting to another, and being stuck in similar-looking meeting rooms, hotels, and business class lounges.

the reason having a freelance career is so important to me is because for me that represents freedom, and choices. but i might not necessarily have freedom if i'm a freelancer struggling to pay my bills. and conversely, i could be employed but in a position where i'm given many opportunities and choices. so it really boils down to having the power of choice - and the freedom of feeling that whatever i'm doing, i am not compromising on who i am.

the reason freedom and choices are so important to me is because ultimately, i want the freedom of choice - to live up to my fullest potential, without expectations or obligations holding me back, or feeling that i need to conform to the status quo.

when it comes down to it, that one thing that drives my life is this: the desire to be sure that whatever choice i make is the absolute best. one of the saddest stories i've ever heard is of walt disney's friend, art linkletter, who was driving with him through the orange orchard that would become disneyland when the idea for the theme park first hit disney. walt disney invited art to partner with him to build disneyland - but he couldn't see the potential of it. years later, as he walked through that former orchard that they drove past, now disneyland, he thought of the millions and millions of dollars he had lost because he missed the opportunity to be a part of walt disney's dream.

that's what drives my life. whatever i'm doing, i want to know - this is it. this is 100% the best thing i can be doing with my life right now. right now it might mean giving up the comfort and security of a stable relationship so i can focus on working towards a vision i believe in. 10 years later, it might mean giving up an incredible career because my kids are the most important thing to invest in. whatever it is, i realised i don't care so much what i do - as long as i know for sure that whatever i'm doing is not second best.

the moment i realised that, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head - no, a million lightbulbs - and a blaze ignited somewhere deep within. so this is why i've made the choices i've made and given up the 'dreams' i've given up. yes, where i am may not be where i expected to be, but that doesn't mean i'm compromising on my values or my dreams.

i never expected i would be 22, not be in a relationship that's headed towards marriage, be working at a corporate job - and not only being okay with it, but loving where i am (but that's another long story for another post). i'm glad i didn't win that trip around the world. i'm glad things didn't work out the way i wanted them to. otherwise i wouldn't have discovered how much i love what i'm actually doing right now.

yes, things haven't quite turned out as i wanted. i wanted good. but what if in letting go of good, in giving up the desperate, frantic search for it... i allow room for amazing to rush in? what if maybe i don't have to chase an amazing life but i actually need to slow down, so it can catch up with me?

what if it's already in front of me?

what if i'm as free as i choose to be?

what if?

"I'm going for revolutionary, thank you. Not warm - hot. Not bright - blazing." -Danielle LaPorte

"You know what's easy? Dreaming. Hanging out with people who make you feel good. Laughing. Resting. Being passionate. There is nothing as easy as being inspired." -Danielle LaPorte

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull . . . was no ordinary bird. Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight— how to get from shore to food and back again. For most gulls, it is not flying that matters, but eating. For this gull, though, it was not eating that mattered, but flight. More than anything else, Jonathan Livingston Seagull loved to fly." -Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

the little joys / les petits bonheurs

"There are times when it is hard to believe in the future, when we are temporarily just not brave enough. When this happens, concentrate on the present. Cultivate le petit bonheur (the little happiness) until courage returns. Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine. Sink roots into the present until the strength grows to think about tomorrow." -Ardis Whitman

confession (it's been a long time since good ol' honest confession has taken place on this blog! somehow growing up tends to make one practice a lot more self-censorship all in the name of maintaining a certain image):

i've been having a mild quarter-life crisis for the past few weeks. and no, this is not a report to say the storm has passed and i see where i'm headed with absolute clarity now. i'm still torn between wanting to be incredibly driven and between taking it slow, between wanting my freedom and wanting to be dependent, and oh, just between a whole lot of things.

times like these, i write quotes like the above and paste them all over my bedroom walls for sanity. don't get me wrong - i love where i am, i love the people around me, i love life in general - but i guess none of us can avoid asking ourselves, especially in the late and lonely nights when you've had a bit too much indie music to listen to, is this all there is to this?

i guess that's part of growing up. learning to acknowledge and not deny that these feelings exist. but at the same time, not being ruled by them. learning to be expressive without necessarily being impulsive. don't get me wrong  - i'll always still be this spontaneous risk-taker, free-spirit at heart - but growing up means realising that your actions don't affect you alone, but a lot of other people as well.

and times like these, i try to focus on and count my les petits bonheurs.

like amazingly rich and delish affogato at the bee

chocolate-chip cookies

good food

good sleep

good people

the good book

We all have something to give

I remember listening to people say that God would drop words in their hearts to say certain things to certain people. And it would be so timely, so exactly what those people needed to hear. For the longest time, I thought I must not be listening hard enough, else I would hear God the same way.

For the longest time, I compared myself to others and thought that I had to do certain things a certain way to be successful, to be considered a 'good person', to make a difference in the world. I struggled with believing that I had something to offer just by being who I am.

Today, two different people told me they were encouraged by simple little notes I'd dropped them, and that it was so timely for what they were going through. And I was reminded once again that although I may not have the same gifts as others, such as the gift to speak directly into people's lives - I still have something to offer, in a different way. I'd long took my writing for granted because it came so naturally to me - but I've realised my writing is my gift I can offer to the world.

Tomorrow morning, I set off to a land halfway across the world from where I am - wondering how I got here and what I have to offer. But although it may not be much, I'm willing to give whatever I have - trusting that He will use it in a special, unique way. He will multiply the little I have and turn it into something much bigger than I would ever have to offer on my own.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Your gift might not be as 'obvious' or prominent as others, but we all have something to give. Even if it's little notes that make someone's day.

So whatever your gift is, give it. Compose that song. Write that killer copysheet. Draw up that crazy, daring, but absolutely revolutionary strategy. Make that pitch. Ask that person out to lunch. Smile at that stranger. Paint that picture. Code that program. Lead that group. Start-up that project.

Don't waste your time and deprive the world of your gift by trying to be anyone or anything other than yourself.

“We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something.” -Mother Teresa

Staying inspired

Some days, you feel like you're this close to running on empty. Some days, your heart and mind has so much left to give but your body doesn't feel the same way. Some days, it's all about getting things done and being productive, with little time to absorb and reflect.

On days like these, good friends, good food, and good writing keep me grounded.

Since I haven't been posting in here in awhile, I'd like to share some writing that has kept me inspired, deliberate, and rejuvenated even in the midst of long days that stretch into night. Hope it does the same for you!

Here's to living (and working) with purpose.

Kindness Meditation 
by Julie Henderson (thanks Linds for sharing)

On this day, I will strive to see the peace that is everywhere and access the abundance of beauty and joy that lie in every moment. It is the Eternal Now that I am after. I will strive to set aside everything I have learned and presume to know in order to allow new knowledge and new experiences to flood my being.

I will strive to be a magnet for powerful, positive, and miraculous truths, images, words, and music. I will do everything in my power to clear my mind of the negative energies that have obfuscated my view and distorted my words and actions. I will create a new paradigm that helps me to recognize only the good qualities in every person, place, and thing that composes my environment. I will raise my energy and my light to the highest frequencies of love, generosity, charity, compassion, forgiveness, and truth. I will fill my head with constructive thoughts and images that will help me to further my individual growth so that I can illuminate and inspire the lives of others. I will learn something new on this day and discover a place I have never before encountered.

I will push myself to do or at least attempt something that I never imagined I would be able to do. I will be courteous to people who cross my path and I will help those in need wherever and whenever I find myself in circumstances that allow me to do so.

I will surround myself with beautiful nature and touch the earth to show her my love and gratitude for holding mine and everyone else’s weight. I will extend my love to the entire world and cosmos along with my respect and humbled admiration of the divine sparks of the Creative Force Energy that composes us all.

I will love because I can, give because I can, be gracious because I can, be humble because I have every reason to be, and speak my truth because that is my duty and my joy. I will practice random acts of kindness and go out of my way to establish order within the chaos of our world.

I will write a letter to someone I haven’t spoken with for a while. I will send a message to someone I love dearly. I will write a poem. I will make art. I will play my guitar and sing. I will volunteer myself to help loved ones and friends. I will eat and drink healthy to show my body my deep gratitude for its existence and the role it plays in protecting my soul and spirit.

I will recite my mantras any time I feel overwhelmed by thoughts that cause anxiety. I will listen to someone who rarely has the opportunity to be heard. I will be aware of my breath and the rhythm of my heartbeat.

I will laugh and forgive myself when I forget that I made these promises at the beginning of my day, and at the end of my day I will celebrate and congratulate myself for what I was able to accomplish.

And here's another piece from Tumblr (via a-thousand-words):

Ruin is the road to transformation

The Beaver is a film about meaning, purpose, connection, losing your way, and finding it again - all themes that strike very close to my heart. It's a story about a family unravelling because the people in it are lost, confused, hopeless, and at the end of their rope - and how they reach a breaking point only to find that it is exactly what they need to rebuild.

After the movie I kept thinking about what the main character, Walter Black said:

"We reach a point where, in order to go on, we have to wipe the slate clean. We start to see ourselves as a box that we're trapped inside and no matter how we try and escape, self help, therapy, drugs, we just sink further and further down. The only way to truly break out of the box is to get rid of it all together... I mean, you built it in the first place. If the people around you are breaking your spirit, who needs them? Your wife who pretends to love you, your son who can't even stand you. I mean, put them out of their misery. Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day. Crazy is pretending to be happy. Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life." -Walter Black, The Beaver (2011)

And I couldn't help but be reminded about what two of my favourite writers had to say on this subject of ruin and rebuilding:

 “A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat. Pray. Love

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I think instinctively, we all want to settle for 'safe'. The idea of starting again and leaving behind everything we've worked for and built away is a scary, painful thought - it feels like losing a part of yourself - losing all the things that used to define you. But what if leaving the past behind and starting again is exactly what we need? What if it is when we feel like we're losing ourselves that we find who we truly are?

I need this reminder daily. I need to remind myself it's okay to change. It's okay to 're' - rebuild, restore, revamp, re-examine, revoke, retry. I'm not a finished product - I'm a work in progress. And like any work in progress, it's okay to throw everything out and start again. In fact, sometimes it's not just okay, it's essential if you want the finished product to be anything worthwhile.

Image: Some rights reserved by Fulla T

Lights

"And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years." -Genesis 1:14

These lights that God hung in the sky to mark 'sacred times' speak to me of His beautiful intricate design for one of our most precious gifts - time. Each moment that passes us by happens once, and is gone forever. Time is so valuable... but so often taken for granted.

This verse speaks to me of finding rhythm in our time. It speaks to me of the importance of distinguishing each season, day, and moment from another. There is a time and a season for everything and when we realise that, it is easier to face the hard days. And it becomes more important to celebrate the good ones.

Without rhythm in our time, life becomes a monotonous dull hum. All our days start to feel the same, and we get bored, lazy, and frustrated. When we learn to cherish and mark all our moments, we create rhythm in our time, a song with our lives.

Relish11.4 - Fear

No one likes to re-live moments of fear. We are often shown as children how to “master” our fear, or “wrestle” with it. Today let’s consider fear in a new light. Let’s let fear have a say, and for once really listen to what is tells us. Fear can be a most powerful teacher. When were you fearful in this past year? Follow that fear now, and see if there was a lesson for you. Did you take anything positive away from that experience? If you follow it, instead of fight it, what does your fear have to offer you?

This year, I faced two huge fears: 1) the fear of being alone, and 2) the fear of not doing work that matters.

Far away from my support network and family, I spent a lot of time alone in the UK. While much of this time alone was therapeutic and gave me plenty of space to think and reflect, much of it was also spent worrying about losing people, about people coming and going, about whether I'd ever find someone to get used to. I've said more 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' this year than I cared to, but in the midst of all of that I've seen amazing new friendships come into my life when I most needed it. I've learned that sometimes we need to let go of some people, but it's always, always, so the ones we need can come into our lives.

Having just entered the corporate world, I also struggled with connecting meaning to my job. And through people and my reading and songs, I've been reminded again and again that peace, purpose, and satisfaction is a state of being, not doing. It's hard, coming from an Asian mentality, to believe that what I do does not equal who I am, but I am learning a little bit more everyday that it doesn't. I'm learning to 'bloom where I'm planted', and that it's more a matter of my attitude and perspective towards things that make a difference, and less about what I am actually doing. 

Adventurously expectant

Last week at After-Alpha we watched a video about the Bible's relevance in our lives today. Nicky Gumbel, the speaker, told a story of this young woman (journalist if I recall correctly?) who was reading a novel by a certain author and hated it. One day at a party, she met a young man who charmed her socks off. To her surprise, she discovered he was the author of the novel she disliked. That night she went home and reread the entire novel, seeing each line and paragraph in a new light, after having encountered the person who wrote it.

That pretty much sums up the way I read the Bible these days.

I think my life has done a 180 turn since returning from the UK - back in July I was pretty much lost, not sure what I wanted to do with my life, and holding on to quite a bit of the past and fears about the future. I think that's changed since... for the better.

And I'm so thankful. So thankful for the past five months. So thankful for the lessons it's taught me. So thankful for the emptiness, the lostness... that brought me here. So thankful that I'm in a place where I wake up every day and can say that I love the life I live. So thankful I'm learning to let go of my uncertainly of the future and my near-sighted plans... and embrace whatever's next.

So thankful that these days, when I flip through the pages of this precious Book, every word speaks LIFE into my soul.

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!" 

-Romans 8:15-17

Endless energy, boundless strength - Why I do what I do

I doubt two weeks have ever passed faster in my life, as the past two weeks have.

Taking some time out to reflect and look back at it, I'm so amazed at how Big Idea, a forum/workshop to inspire young people to Creativity, Big Ideas, and pursuing their dreams, was weaved together in just the last two and a half weeks.

A mere two and a half weeks ago, I had a Big Idea. I approached two sisters who run their own company, founded on another Big Idea, and we decided to combine our ideas and organise this Big Idea event.

In these two weeks, people have come into our Team and our lives, catching the vision and providing the support, encouragement, funds, and resources needed to make this Big Idea a reality.

Next Friday, more than 80 creative, passionate, and brilliant young minds will meet at KLPac in the beautiful Sentul Park, to hear seven highly accomplished and successful speakers from a wide range of fields and industries - from business to music, from magic to environmental protection, from community outreach to hairstyling, from motivational training to corporate talent development - share their insights on creativity and how they got to where they are today.

Looking at how it all came together, I am so blown away - and so thankful for the privilege of working with such amazing, motivated, and passionate people and such an inspiring project.

But above all I'm so thankful that I work with a team whose priority is God - whose priority is advancing His values and His truth and His creativity not just within the walls of the church - but beyond it.

Today on the way back home on the LRT I was reading a passage from Ephesians that I felt was very fitting for the Team in this season that I pray might bless you too:

"I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

All this energy issues from Christ: God raised him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from his rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 

The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence."

-Ephesians 1 (The Message)

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. 
-John 10:10 (NLT)

Live creatively, friends. 

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't compare yourself with others. Take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

-Galatians 6:1-5 (The Message)