was doing some spring cleaning early this morning and i came across this gem of a letter i wrote to myself about 3 - 4 years back (i think?), during a church service where everyone was given pieces of paper to write letters to their future selves. really wished i'd written down the date! so i'd be able to see how much i've grown since then.
i don't remember the speaker at all - can't even remember what he looked like - but what he did was he got everyone's addresses, and then a couple months later, posted our letters back to all of us with a little note of encouragement at the bottom.
since then, i've never re-read that letter, but i'm so glad i discovered it again in this season because it's such a timely reminder to me of what i've always valued and held dear. and even though i may have detoured and been distracted along the way - the things i'm trying to pursue now are the things i have always been pursuing, and i shouldn't ever stop pursuing them.
it's half past midnight and i am supposed to be finishing up a document for a meeting tomorrow, but port blue is playing and it's making me all thoughtful and reflective... and grateful, really, for this journey i'm on. for the places i've been and am going, and the people i've met and am getting to know.
one of the things coming back to malaysia has really taught me in the past year is family. community. and family is wherever you are. it's the people around you that you sometimes don't agree with, or click with, or get along with. but people you choose to invest in because despite your differences, you share common dreams, goals, values. people you may not understand at first, but because you choose to invest in them, they eventually become people you find yourself being able to depend on, and people you grow to love.
as a great teacher (and acquaintance) put it: "...putting time/effort/money into something you love is never a waste. you will always gain something from it that feeds your spirit."
i've written a lot about my newfound obsessions in this season of my life. but what i haven't talked about yet is the people i've met through it - fellow travelers and wanderers, kindred spirits and soulmates. i don't know yet if i believe in soulmates when it comes to life partners... but i do believe that there are multiple soulmates out there for each of us - as in people you feel comfortable with, as though you've known them forever in another life maybe - people that you can instantly connect with, that inspire you to do more that you've ever thought possible. people that coming into contact with just sets your soul on fire.
lately, i've been realising how selfishly i've been living. i'd been thinking that for the important relationships in my life to work, i needed to cut back on all other relationships. for some reason or another, i felt like i had to segregate my life, my time, and my emotions, into different parts, for different people.
and then it hit me that living generously doesn't work that way. the more people you open up to and connect with, the more people you are able to continue doing so with. as tony parsons writes, "the heart always makes room." and vice versa - the more you live to please a specific amount of people, the more you please no one.
in the last few weeks alone, i've had conversations with old, longtime friends, and new ones. i've climbed with people i met through random circumstances and had coffee with people i've known for years.
and there's something so beautiful about watching someone's eyes light up, someone's hands gesture excitedly, someone's eyes meet yours knowingly, recognising someone else who has journeyed a similar path -
- when they talk about something they love, something that makes them angry, something that drives them, something they're looking for. i love honest conversations with people about the stuff they live for... or the questions they wrestle with when they wake up every day. is this the life i want? why am i here? is there more to this? what is my purpose?
i look around me and realise that so many people sleepwalk through life. they look good on the outside, things seem to be going well for them, they're the life of the party everywhere they go - but they live for speed, not direction. it's rare to find people who will go through the difficult, messy, oftentimes discouraging and painful process of searching and discovering where they fit into this world and what their life's purpose is.
to encounter people who are in that process of searching for and discovering the answer - to see the fire in their eyes and hear the conviction in their voice - fuels my own fire and strengthens my own conviction - that this life, although dangerous and wild, is so beautiful, and so worth living. this journey, this expedition, this climb, although difficult and frightening, is so satisfying, so worth the struggle.
most people want to be surrounded by people that make them feel good. that feed their ego or benefit them in some way. i want to be surrounded by people who scare me. who challenge me. who drive me to do difficult things. i want to be surrounded people who have set themselves on fire so i can catch fire too. i want to be surrounded by people who will change the world because they have the courage to change themselves so i can learn from their courage. i want to be surrounded by people who live, so i can be inspired to live too.
Recently, I've been reading a lot about this idea of 'flow'. It's the notion that we are created with a unique set of skills and interests for a unique path that we're meant to follow, and when we find that path, when we get into 'flow', things just fall into place and we feel fulfilled, life is meaningful, and get to do what we enjoy doing without it feeling like work. Just like a flowing river, we're not stagnant, but we're vibrant and alive and always moving forward when we're in 'flow'.
It sounds alluring and effortless, this idea of 'flow'. It's where we all want to be.
But we mustn't forget that while 'flow' is a path of constant, deliciously and wildly exciting motion, it is not the path of least resistance.
Just like a river, there are sharp and jagged rocks we'll have to flow over. We're not meant to have a smooth ride over the rocky, turbulent parts of life - but rather, when we're in flow, our efforts and our persistence over time should smoothen the resistance we face and turn it into something beautiful and worth admiring.
When we speak of finding that thing we were 'meant for' in life, we shouldn't fall into the trap of pursuing 'comfortable' and 'easy'. Often the thing that will bring us most joy and meaning doesn't seem appealing in the beginning.
Learn to embrace the jagged edges of life. Instead of running from the ugliness of life, let your life be a part of the river that will, slowly but steadily, smoothen out the roughness around you.
Some days, you feel like you're this close to running on empty. Some days, your heart and mind has so much left to give but your body doesn't feel the same way. Some days, it's all about getting things done and being productive, with little time to absorb and reflect.
On days like these, good friends, good food, and good writing keep me grounded.
Since I haven't been posting in here in awhile, I'd like to share some writing that has kept me inspired, deliberate, and rejuvenated even in the midst of long days that stretch into night. Hope it does the same for you!
Here's to living (and working) with purpose.
Kindness Meditation
by Julie Henderson (thanks Linds for sharing)
On this day, I will strive to see the peace that is everywhere and access the abundance of beauty and joy that lie in every moment. It is the Eternal Now that I am after. I will strive to set aside everything I have learned and presume to know in order to allow new knowledge and new experiences to flood my being.
I will strive to be a magnet for powerful, positive, and miraculous truths, images, words, and music. I will do everything in my power to clear my mind of the negative energies that have obfuscated my view and distorted my words and actions. I will create a new paradigm that helps me to recognize only the good qualities in every person, place, and thing that composes my environment. I will raise my energy and my light to the highest frequencies of love, generosity, charity, compassion, forgiveness, and truth. I will fill my head with constructive thoughts and images that will help me to further my individual growth so that I can illuminate and inspire the lives of others. I will learn something new on this day and discover a place I have never before encountered.
I will push myself to do or at least attempt something that I never imagined I would be able to do. I will be courteous to people who cross my path and I will help those in need wherever and whenever I find myself in circumstances that allow me to do so.
I will surround myself with beautiful nature and touch the earth to show her my love and gratitude for holding mine and everyone else’s weight. I will extend my love to the entire world and cosmos along with my respect and humbled admiration of the divine sparks of the Creative Force Energy that composes us all.
I will love because I can, give because I can, be gracious because I can, be humble because I have every reason to be, and speak my truth because that is my duty and my joy. I will practice random acts of kindness and go out of my way to establish order within the chaos of our world.
I will write a letter to someone I haven’t spoken with for a while. I will send a message to someone I love dearly. I will write a poem. I will make art. I will play my guitar and sing. I will volunteer myself to help loved ones and friends. I will eat and drink healthy to show my body my deep gratitude for its existence and the role it plays in protecting my soul and spirit.
I will recite my mantras any time I feel overwhelmed by thoughts that cause anxiety. I will listen to someone who rarely has the opportunity to be heard. I will be aware of my breath and the rhythm of my heartbeat.
I will laugh and forgive myself when I forget that I made these promises at the beginning of my day, and at the end of my day I will celebrate and congratulate myself for what I was able to accomplish.
Some days I just want to cry with exhaustion at the sheer amount of things to do in one day - as much as I love doing every single one of them. Some days I am spent, cranky, and drained, body and mind.
And some days, I read something like this...
and it lifts my spirits,
fires me up,
and realigns my focus.
I am so thankful to be surrounded by such people this poem describes.
To be of use
The people I love the best jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.
I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience, who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.
I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.
The work of the world is common as mud. Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
I doubt two weeks have ever passed faster in my life, as the past two weeks have.
Taking some time out to reflect and look back at it, I'm so amazed at how Big Idea, a forum/workshop to inspire young people to Creativity, Big Ideas, and pursuing their dreams, was weaved together in just the last two and a half weeks.
A mere two and a half weeks ago, I had a Big Idea. I approached two sisters who run their own company, founded on another Big Idea, and we decided to combine our ideas and organise this Big Idea event.
In these two weeks, people have come into our Team and our lives, catching the vision and providing the support, encouragement, funds, and resources needed to make this Big Idea a reality.
Next Friday, more than 80 creative, passionate, and brilliant young minds will meet at KLPac in the beautiful Sentul Park, to hear seven highly accomplished and successful speakers from a wide range of fields and industries - from business to music, from magic to environmental protection, from community outreach to hairstyling, from motivational training to corporate talent development - share their insights on creativity and how they got to where they are today.
Looking at how it all came together, I am so blown away - and so thankful for the privilege of working with such amazing, motivated, and passionate people and such an inspiring project.
But above all I'm so thankful that I work with a team whose priority is God - whose priority is advancing His values and His truth and His creativity not just within the walls of the church - but beyond it.
Today on the way back home on the LRT I was reading a passage from Ephesians that I felt was very fitting for the Team in this season that I pray might bless you too:
"I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!
All this energy issues from Christ: God raised him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from his rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church.
The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence."
-Ephesians 1 (The Message)
My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. -John 10:10 (NLT)
Live creatively, friends.
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't compare yourself with others. Take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
