Three things my parents taught me that they don't teach in school

1. That if you're going to dream, dream big. 

"You want to be a writer?" my parents asked me. "You want to be an artist?" they asked my brother. "Well, then be an author with a book on the NY Time Best Seller list," my dad would say. "Be an artist and hold art exhibitions around the world." My parents never put a cap on our dreams or told us we couldn't. They never let the fact that they didn't get a university education be a glass ceiling for us - just because they didn't get the opportunity, it didn't mean that we couldn't. And while we still have a long way to go, I think for the fields we've chosen, we've done pretty well, all without going to renowned schools or colleges. At 21, my brother has designed album covers and merchandise from top local bands to international acts - the kind of opportunities his peers would die for. I've had opportunities to travel, be part of international movements, and meet all sorts of interesting, different people. All because my parents never told us we couldn't.

2. That they couldn't teach me everything - but reading is so important to growth and development. 

I grew up reading books at the dining table - while my mum spoon-fed me - and on my "throne" as I was doing potty business. My brothers and I fell asleep listening to bedtime stories - a privilege, I later discovered as I grew up, that many peers in my generation never had, with parents that were often away, working till late at night. I loved words - "the swing and swirl of them as they tangle with human emotions" - and it was through reading I decided to pursue writing and communication. My brother was not so much a reader - but he was a very visual person - so my parents made sure he "read" picture books. He would occasionally end up drawing on them, and sometimes interpreting and illustrating his own different ending to the story, but aside from a mild reprimand, I think my parents were just happy that we read. If we ever complained about being bored, my mum would tell us to "read a page of the dictionary - you'll learn new things and increase your vocabulary". If we had questions, they would ask us to read about it, whether in an Encyclopedia or by researching it on the Internet.

As a young working adult, I'm so grateful that instead of using the TV and computer games to babysit us, as my parents could have easily done - they chose the tougher way of cultivating in us a love for reading. I believe that is what has given me an edge because in an information-saturated world, the ability to digest information and analyse it critically - all of which reading will teach you - is so important.

3. There's always something to learn in everything.

Long car rides during outstation trips were never boring. They would always be accompanied by commentaries about the caves or mountains we were driving past, or fun bits of history about a town we were driving through. When we watched movies, my parents would ask us what we learned, and then summarise what some of the good things were that we should learn from the movie, and the other things that we shouldn't follow. My parents didn't believe in mindless entertainment - but to bring a sense of wonder and curiosity into everything you do and encounter. 

accidentally in love

the other day, someone referred to me as "crystal the runner". when i heard that, i wanted to burst into laughter, because one year ago, the thought would have seemed so ridiculous, so improbable.

one year ago, i hated running and could barely run for more than ten minutes without stopping. since then, i've grown from running only to exercise and keep fit - to absolutely enjoying it, and wanting to continually increase my distance and speed.

one year ago, i only joined standard chartered's 10k race only because a friend had to pull out and was looking to sell her bib, so i thought i'd give it a shot (fully expecting to have to walk half the way!). but not only did i run the 10k all the way to the end, surprising myself - i have not stopped running since, surprising myself even more! i've done a couple 10ks and three 21ks - but more recently, in the past month, i've discovered run for the nation and have done a series of 5k prayer runs with them.

the story of how i 'accidentally' fell in love with running is a very close one to my heart - because it is intertwined with the story of how i fell in love with two things all over again in the past year - my country, and my God.

one year ago, i felt completely adrift. i had just returned from the uk and coming back to malaysia meant coming back to a whole new life, a whole new set of friends - and a job that i didn't choose for myself, but one that i was bonded to because of my scholarship. i felt like a random piece of driftwood bobbing about on waves in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to anchor me down. at the time, practically my whole circle of close friends were overseas while i was settling back here. i felt like malaysia was not the place i was meant to be, that something was wrong, because i felt so out of place.

one year ago, i stopped going to church for a few months because i felt like such a hypocrite. me, the christian church girl, who had grown up serving in church, for whom church had always been a second home, found myself questioning everything i believed and wanting to run away from it all when i couldn't find the answers i was looking for.

and one year (and a bit) later, everything has changed. i mean, everything. has. changed.

someone said to me the other day (after cracking joke after joke about frogs), "i can't help it! when i look at you, i see... frog!" (i work in an amazing company called FrogAsia, for the record.) i was like... "gee, thanks." but inwardly, i knew that flippant statement was already a testimony of how i'd gone from resenting my job to being absolutely passionate about what i do. i've been catching up with a number of random people who ask me what i've been up to lately because "it seems you're really enjoying your life / your job!". an old college mate that i haven't talked to for years said to me the other day, "you seem to be really close to God".

hearing these things blew me away. my first reaction is always a slightly amused, incredulous one. "do you have any idea where i was at last year?!?!"

and as i've been sharing with these people how i've changed, and grown, in the past year, i realise it's a story i'm so, so grateful for. i'd gone from feeling lost... to being found. from being unsure of who i was... to finding my identity. from feeling like i was in the wrong place... to feeling like this is exactly where i'm meant to be.

something changed along the way, between july 2011 and today. and you know what - it wasn't some dramatic change. i look back, and all i see is night after lonely night of questioning... talking at the ceiling. lunch break after lunch break sitting alone in my cubicle, reading blogs and stories of people who seemed to have discovered what it meant to live a good life, and wondering if some day i could discover the same. moment after moment of feeling like running away but willing myself to stay. sarcastic comment after sarcastic comment that i chose not to say. complaint after complaint that i chose not to focus on. step after step that i kept taking even though i was bored out of my mind.

it wasn't in the extraordinary - but somewhere in the routine, mundane, ordinary grind of life that i discovered what it meant to really live. it's not about finding that one thing or that one job or that one person or that one place to give you passion and meaning. life doesn't work that way! it's not about external circumstances at all.

i'd read so many quotes about how "life is what you make of it" and self-help books about accepting personal responsibility and all that jazz - but i think it's one thing to know these things, and quite another thing to live these things. i think in the past year, i really lived a lot of the things i knew. i went from knowing them up there in my head, to understanding them in my heart.

as i let go of my selfish plans, dreams, ambitions, goal, wants - as i kept trying to stop pursuing temporary distractions and instant gratification in light of a longer-term vision - something happened. my cluttered, chaotic life full of questions and worries and fears and doubts slowly turned into a spacious one as i let go of unhealthy habits, attitudes, and perspectives. and that made room for God to put new ones in.

jonathan fields, one of my favorite bloggers / authors, who pioneered the good life project, has a great way of explaining the journey i've gone through:

when you're mission-centric (focused on the why) and medium-agnostic (indifferent about the how, and the what) - things start happening. 'coincidences' occur. sparks ignite. the right people cross your paths. the right doors open.

and as you're reading this, you're doing one of two things: either going "i know exactly what you mean!" or "what the heck is she talking about - what nonsense!". if you're the second, can i just say - just try it. stop saying you can't do this or that. just try not putting limitations on yourself for once. try doing that thing you swore you'd 'never' do. try it and see what happens.

because i promise you, i never got to this place wanting to be in the field of education. i never wanted to work a corporate 9-6 job. i never planned to run 21k and keep planning to run further distances. i never planned to be this person who can't help but talk about God all the time (sometimes i feel like omg i've become one of those super churchy, holy people - what is wrong with me?!?).

and i'll tell you what changed. letting go of my ideas, my plans, my dreams, my goals, my desires (the how and the what) - and asking God, "God why did you place me here? i don't care what you want me to do anymore - but just show me why i'm here"... made room for Him to place His ideas, His plans, His dreams, His goals, and His desires into my heart. and they have been exceedingly, abundantly, above all that i could have wanted or dreamed up on my own.

today, i work with great people, i lead a great media & communications team (that continues to grow as we hire new people), i am actually excited about reading my Bible every day and going to church every week (although i still find it incredibly weird saying that out loud or in writing), and i am aiming to run 30km this weekend (the furthest i will have run yet). and i have having an incredibly fun time. it's really not about the how - it's about the why.

why? to be surrounded by new friends who challenge me and speak the tough truth, in love, into my life. why? to come a place where i can share my story to mentor and inspire others. why? to learn discipline and patience and endurance, which i am terrible at. why? to learn to stop limiting myself, because God doesn't limit me. why? to see that things are changing in our country, and i get to be a part of that change. why? because every single person matters. why? because the journey is as important as the destination. why? why? why?

i pray you'll find the courage and strength to ask yourself the tough questions too. and the answers won't come immediately. sometimes it'll take months. sometimes years. we all have our own journeys to make, and they're never easy ones. but from my experience, for what it's worth, the journey is always, always worth it. :)

#yolo: current obsessions

right now, i'm obsessed with these things:

running

there is something about the discipline and endurance that is required for running that helps me get more centered and grounded. the routine of hitting the pavement, one step at a time, one foot in front of the next, over and over again, while keeping your mind and eyes fixed on a goal in the distance or on the runner in front that you're pacing yourself against, does something to the spirit - it reminds me that despite the grind, i don't have to have to let myself be worn down, that i have it in me to press on. that feeling of exhausting yourself only to discover you have the 'second wind' inside you is exhilarating.

climbing

i started climbing a month ago and while i am still extremely new to the sport and have only climbed indoors so far, i am absolutely hooked. there's something about the community of climbers that i find incredibly captivating. their enthusiasm and passion for life and for challenging themselves to surpass their limits, combined with their willingness to teach and share what they've learned, is something i find incredibly rare in other sports. i find among them a spirit of generosity - of self, of time. perhaps it is because when you climb, you're trusting your belayer with quite literally, your life. there is so much support, encouragement, and camaraderie among climbers versus more competitive sports, where trash-talking is often the status quo.

before i tried it, i used to see climbing as a purely physical sport - as it requires much strength to pull yourself up the rocks. now i realise how mentally challenging - and incredibly fun - it is as well. the challenge of figuring out how to complete a route, of identifying which holds will get you up the wall, of balancing your weight, and of trusting your holds is often more mental than it is physical.

french

i love words. i especially love words that carry significant meanings that no words in my native language can properly express. and i find many of those words in the french language - it is, after all, considered one of the most romantic languages. the accent, the pronunciations, the way the words are strung together, the way the direct translation of "i miss you" is actually "you are missing from me", the way people never say "nice to meet you", but rather, "enchantée", or "enchanted to meet you" - is so profound, so expressive, so absolutely beautiful.

i believe the language and words we use shape a lot of our lives, and how thoughtlessly or mindfully a person uses their words says a lot about them. i believe there is so much beauty to be felt in this life, and while words may never fully be able to capture all that beauty, it is possible to use words that come closer to doing so than others.

***

i am incredibly bad at the above things, despite the fact that they are my major obsessions at the moment, and not a day goes by that i don't at least think about them.

but i think about the things i love doing (and consider myself decently good at, like writing, baking, and driving), and remember that once upon a time, i was terribly bad at them too. the only reason i got good was because i stuck at them.

and so, even though i don't speak fluent french nor have i run a full marathon or started climbing by grades, i'm reminding myself to stick at it. because if right now i suck at these things, yet doing them gives me such incredible satisfaction and puts the silliest smiles on my faces, i can't image what the feeling will be like when i start getting good at them.

a friend shared this 9gag post with me which i find incredibly profound (thanks khairie!):

#yolo
here is something true: one day you will be dead.
here is something false: you only live once.
it takes about 7 years to master something.
if you live to be 88, after age 11, you have 11 opportunities to be good at something.
these are your lifetimes.
most people never let themselves die.
some are afraid of death.
"i'm only trained to do one thing, and if i'm not doing it... then what am i?"
some think they are already ghosts.
"i was good at basketball, but then i hurt my ankle. now i spend most of my time mentally simulating a reality where that didn't happen."
but you have many lives.
spend a life writing poems. spend another building things. spend a life looking for facts. "how?" and another looking for truth. "why?"
these are your lifetimes. use them.

so here's to the obsessions ahead. here's to starting again, at level 0 - beginner. here's to not being afraid to learn from others who are better than you. here's to rejecting the lie that old dogs can't learn new tricks and that talent trumps practice and skill. here's to the lifetimes ahead. 

what work has taught me

31 random things, in no particular order, that i've learnt in 19 months of full-time work:

1. that your job scope doesn’t limit you to how you can grow within a company. 
2. that i can always find a way to tie my most menial tasks to the things i’m passionate about, if i remember to look up and see the bigger picture.
3. that there will always be people who are difficult to work with, but…
4. …there will always be people who are willing to reach out and lend a helping hand. 
5. these are the people who help you stretch yourself and grow yourself so much that soon, you’ll realise you could never have gotten to where you are today without their investment.
6. that you should always, always lock your files and check your links before sending off an illustrator file.
7. that you should always ask for a sample before ordering anything that requires mass printing.
8. that phone calls are twice more effective than e-mails, and in-person is three times more effective than phone calls.
9. unless you are working with IT, tech support, developers, or project managers. 
10. that having two calendars – work life vs. personal life, contrary to helping you ‘balance’, actually creates more stress by dividing your life into two parts.
11. that it’s less tiring having one calendar because it means getting to be honest with your superiors and colleagues about who you are, in and out of the office, and it means not having to keep up having two separate images, one for the office and one for elsewhere. 
12. that having to manage people below you teaches you how you should relate to your supervisors like nothing else.
13. that there are two kinds of people at work – the first that work for a job title, and the second who work for a calling.
14. that the second are those who can be counted on to go beyond the call of duty, who create that sense of community and family at the office, who don’t complain when asked to do things outside their job scope. 
15. that communication matters. that challenges are dealt with and things get done only when communication is effective. 
16. that good communication matters. that it's always easy to reply a friendly e-mail than a demanding one.
17. that the best leaders lead by example. 
18. that if you're not learning something new everyday, you're not looking hard enough. 
19. that the way you treat the office cleaner says a lot about your character and values.
20. that no matter how tough or tiring or just plain draining and monotonous work can get, there is nothing more rewarding than knowing you are surrounded by an amazing, passionate, values-driven team. 
21. that success and a rewarding career is all about relationships, building bridges, and adding value.
22. that you should treat every single person with respect and courtesy as you will never know not only when you might work with them again, but when they might be able to do you a huge favour you won't be able to repay. 
23. that if things are getting tough and you're not getting tougher, if things are moving too fast and you're not moving faster, you will drown. 
24. that as counterintuitive as it may seem, sometimes getting tougher, faster, better, and stronger is not achieved by doing more, but by stepping back, getting centered again, getting focused again, and returning with renewed perspective and clarity.
25. and that with fresh perspective comes the ability to problem-solve quicker and more creatively. 
26. that there is a time to push yourself... but there is also a time to process, reflect, renew, and realign. 
27. that whatever your method - to-do lists, planners, journals, apps - the quicker you figure out a way to manage and stay on top of things, the better off you'll be.
28. that a lot of time is wasted purely because of a lack of planning ahead. that spending a few minutes at the beginning and end of each day listing out priorities will give you a productivity boost like few things will.
29. however, productivity is meaningless if it doesn't fit into a bigger strategy. it's not just about getting more things done but getting more of the right things done. 
30. that talent is commonplace. and skills are even more commonplace. what makes some stand out from the rest is not just talent + skills but talent + skills + consistency + trustworthiness. 
31. and lastly... His grace is sufficient for every single day. 

What Your Big Year taught me

Two weeks. Apprentice-style challenges. 16 of the loudest, craziest, most energetic and driven young people on the planet. Set against the backdrop of Liverpool and its attractions, from the Liverpool Cathedral to the Liverpool Eye. And one unforgettable journey that would forever change the lives of all who embarked on it.

It's been two days since I returned home after the Your Big Year finals. It feels good to be back, but at the same time slightly disorienting after spending a whirlwind two weeks doing things I never would have imagined myself doing. In these two weeks I've been stretched, been pushed out of my comfort zone, and questioned my abilities over and over again. 

I've gotten to know not just the world and the 14 different countries represented in the finals a little better, but I've gotten to know myself a bit better. And I didn't always like what I learned about myself. I learned that under pressure, I can be irritable, short-tempered, and not the best of company. I've learned that I carry a lot of preconceived notions and prejudices against people that are probably not even true. I've learned that I'm still not as good at talking about my emotions as I'd like to think I am. 

But I've also learned that I'm capable of doing a lot more than I thought I could - like delivering an impromptu elevator pitch to Sir Terry Leahy (former CEO of Tesco) without stammering, living together for two weeks with a bunch of strangers and eventually coming to see them as family, and approaching strangers from different cultures on the streets on Liverpool to raise funds for charity.

For a girl who used to tear up at the thought of talking to strangers because she was that shy, I think that's a pretty big achievement. I may not have won the competition, but to make it to the Top 10 out of over 60,000 entrants from over 200 countries, and to fly more than halfway across the world to do crazy things just because I believed the challenge would help me grow? That's already a huge win for me. 

But beyond all that, the biggest win of all was getting to know all of the amazing people at Your Big Year. People who made my world a little smaller, and my perspectives a little bigger.

It's spending every moment from the time you wake up till the time you hit your pillow experiencing the full range of possible emotions with a range of personalities that could not be more colourful or diverse. It’s becoming so completely exhausted that there’s no more energy to keep up fronts or maintain a certain image. It’s about vulnerability and opening up to someone else, and realising that despite our different backgrounds, cultures, experiences, we all share common dreams, hopes, wishes. It’s arriving as strangers... and leaving as family.

My biggest win at Your Big Year was meeting the people who remind me that I'm not alone in this - that there are so many out there who wanted to make a difference in the world - for good. And that we need each other. We can't do it alone.

So wherever you are right now, in all your efforts to make a difference and make the world a better place, don't forget that you're not Superman/woman. You're not meant to save the world alone. Let's do it together. 

The next level

Some rights reserved by jamieanne

In one of my favorite books (that first fired my imagination and passion for travel), there is a passage in which the author, Alice Steinbach, asks a shepherd about his sheepdogs:

"Do you ever think of your dogs - say, when they're off duty - as pets?"
"...when they're pups we do rear them as pets in the house for nine to ten months. I believe champions are made in the house. The dogs learn manners, the kids play with them, and they learn to be around people. I think it's important they be raised in the house."
"How do young dogs raised in a house for almost a year take it when they're put out?" I asked. "One day they're a pet, the next day they're a working dog."
Mark answered my question with one word: "Hard."

Some rights reserved by RayMorris1

Something about this passage really struck me, for two reasons:

1) For the last few weeks, I've been learning to train dogs at an animal shelter I volunteer at. And there is something magnificent about watching a dog that has been broken in and trained to behave beautifully.

2) Entering the workforce proper, especially at an age where I am constantly reminded of how young I am, feels a lot like being "broken in".

One day I'm a college student with the time to bake and cook and blog and do a million and one things, and the next day I'm a working girl with a fixed daily schedule. How did I take it?

You guessed it - Hard.

But just as the sheepdogs eventually come to enjoy their work - because that is essentially what they are bred and born to do, I'm starting to feel the same way about mine.

Yes, it's hard to be passionate about the minute, mundane details of a corporate desk job. But it's in the little details that I'm starting to find opportunities to develop skills that will help me in the long run. Like patience, attention to detail, and learning to find joy even in routine and repetition. Like the art of pursuing excellence in every tiniest detail. Like being able to see the long-term vision even when there's not very much tangible evidence of it in the present.

I definitely have my work cut out for me. There is so much to learn as I'm put through the paces of the working world, and although it sometimes gets overwhelming, it mostly feels good to be at this place.

It's beginning to feel natural and that's when I realize that this is what my upbringing and my education has been preparing me to do.

It dawned on me that this is the next level. I've reached it.

Suddenly, everything I've been through in the previous level seems insignificant and small. And it feels good to know that I've reached where I am supposed to be.

These days, I'm getting excited when things feel hard - because the hard bits are because I don't know. I don't know - because there are lots of new things to learn. There are lots of new things to learn - because I've reached a new level.

And guess what? The view always looks better from higher up.

It's a harder climb, yeah. But it sure is a heck of a greater view. I find myself reaching for bigger goals and dreaming bigger dreams from here than I ever dared to dream or reach for before.

What are you finding hard in your life right now?

Could it be the reason you're going through that tough time is because you're about to move on to the next level?

What's your next level?

And if you knew you WILL reach that next level, would the difficulty be worth it?

***

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.  -Robert Brault

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. -Robert Louis Stevenson 

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. -William John Bennett

A well-ordered life is like climbing a tower; the view halfway up is better than the view from the base, and it steadily becomes finer as the horizon expands. -William Lyon Phelps 

Self-discovery

I am making a lot of little discoveries about myself. Discoveries that made me uncomfortable at first, but after awhile, I came to appreciate.

I used to think "self-discovery" was reserved for high school and university - that a degree would automatically confer on me some sort of illuminating Knowledge of what exactly I was supposed to do with my life. A few months post-university and the majority of it spent suffering from a major case of what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life-itis later, I have come to the conclusion that this is not the case after all.

What a relief to acquiesce to the fact that I am still learning, and that growing up and the discovery of self does not end with school.

So in the spirit of being young forever, here are some of my recent self-discoveries:

1. I like being around women more than I used to. I'd always found it easier to relate to men, but for the life of me, I can no longer understand why or how anymore.
2. I prefer less and good to more and average. From food to conversation to anything, really. I'm determined to fit into my old pre-UK clothes by eating anything I want, just less of it. (Watch this space for updates!) Also, these days, 2-3 delightfully stimulating tête-à-têtes with one or two very dear friends are much preferable to saying yes to every social invitation that comes my way. (I do realise I risk sounding like a snob, but I believe that it's very important to prioritize our nearest and dearest, and there are only so many days in a week.)
3. I am increasingly adopting a decidedly Epicurean philosophy towards life - ie. pleasure through the simple things in life.
4. I am not as fond of debating for its sake as I used to be. More and more things are just not worth expending breath and brain power on.
5. I appreciate manners, and especially greetings, a lot more because I realise I form much of my impressions of others based on their opening lines to me. And it is much more pleasant to be greeted with my name or 'Good morning / afternoon' than the infamously Malaysian 'EH!'
6. I finally have enough patience to read Jane Austen! This is a major accomplishment for a highly impatient reader who never had time for flowery language or intricate descriptions or minute, subtle observations on a person's character. 

That's it for now. Tell me about some of your recent discoveries, if you'd like.